Lindee Lee

I had intended to start commemorating the birthday's of my immediate family and friends as I remember them, starting now, and I had intended to do this on Lindee's birthday, April 27. I haven't been able to because of multiple things standing between me and my computer time, but I find it immensely appropriate that I finally have the time, and it happens to also be the day that she left this world.

Some people come into our lives, stay for a bit, go their own way, and pop back in once in awhile. Then there are others. These people are always there, and they always have been. It's these people that when they leave, they take part of your soul with them. These people will still always be around because there's few memories that don't involve them in some way or another. Lindee was one of those people for me. It's been two years now since she passed, and I still feel emptiness and pain when I think that it's real, and that she's truly gone. I think that it's because as my aunt, she was like my second mother and when my mother died long before I was mature enough to understand our fragile existence, or the value of the people closest to us, I poured all the love and regrets of what I should have been to my mom into my relationship with her. I wanted to make sure that I loved enough so that I wouldn't have regrets. That was my first really big life lesson. Love everyone, everyday, as if they won't be around tomorrow. Because they may not be.

Lindee was an amazing person. For most of my life she lived in the same home, so when I think of my life with her, there's alot of stability. I can think of any time of the year and pinpoint some of our rituals. Summer was all about sun tea, Lipton, made in huge glass jars and a quarter cup of sugar. There were long walks in the evenings after bar-b-que. Fall brought beautiful maple leaves to her yard and the decor on her hearth. It was the start of fires in the fireplace to ward off that first bite of winter looming. Fall was also focused on Halloween, one of her favorite holidays. She loved that she had well over a hundred kids come to her door every year. As children, Jon and I went out with Bob for hours while Lin stayed and counted all the trick-or-treaters, and then later it was my kids having the same pleasure. I will never forget the last minute scramble to help her put together the little goodie bags because a simple candy bar wouldn't be good enough. Did I mention how many she had come to the door? Nuts. Christmas was always fun with warm fires and lots of decor. I was for many years her shopping companion, and boy howdy, did she buy for everyone! She loved making sure that everyone she ever had contact with had a gift of some sort. It drove Bob nuts, but it's part of what I loved most about her. She had such a generous spirit. Spring brought forth our eagerness to wear shorts and sandals, get pedicures, buy brightly colored clothes, and shop for flowers for her yard. Oh, and to start harassing Bob to start hacking at the jungle in the back yard. I love that I have so many memories of the cycle of our lives as they wove together.

I think the thing that makes me still feel so out of joint about her being gone is that it was, and still is surprising to me that she is gone. Many people that are sickly seem to have a secret knowledge of their mortality, and you can see that knowledge. Maybe she had it and I didn't want to see it, but I think it's more likely that though she had a whole lot of medical issues, she never let them get her down. She had a fighting spirit and that's what you saw. There was always the bright smile and a chipper "Hi!", even in the dark times, and she made you believe that everything would always be ok. This is why my memories of her are predominately surrounded in light. She was my light. She is my light. She was a great example of true love and pure charity. This is what led to another on my list of important life lessons. Be grateful for every day that you are given, smile through the worst of times, and find joy in simple pleasures.

I am, and will forever be grateful to have had her in my life, for as long as she was. I love you and miss you Lindee Lee.