Bobbing For Turds

The Bane Of My Existence has struck again. I type this story while reflecting on my life and wondering why the Lord thinks that he needs to continue giving me situations that will develop a sense of humor. It's fortunate that He's given me so much already so that the story I'm about to tell did not result in the slaughter of a small dog.

Once upon a time there was a small dog that wanted to die. He couldn't articulate his suicide mission, so I can only guess by his actions, his desires for a quick death. At this computer I was sitting while the two big kids were playing out front and the little one slept. All had been peaceful except for a quick in and out bathroom stop for Sydney. A while later it was from this same bathroom that came some disturbing noise. I was drug from my focused concentration by the snorting (if you've ever had close contact with a pug you can imagine the snuffling/snorting noises), splashing noises from the bathroom. I realized that it was Smudge and it sounded like he was trying to scuba dive in the toilet or something. I yelled for him and when he did not appear and the noises seemed more intense, I thought to go see what he was doing. I WISH THAT I NEVER KNEW. As I was coming around my desk, he came out in the hallway with what he thought was his prize! He dropped a huge turd that on the floor and then looked up at me with his little face that was covered with pieces of toilet paper and well, poop water. I don't think that I could have gotten him out of the house any faster, nor said any more swear words associated with "poop" (my nice term:) !) or little dogs (again, my nice term!). Adding insult to injury, while picking up the turd with half a roll of toilet paper, and my shirt covering my nose, I managed to smack my head on the door frame which made me see stars. I suppose it was better than seeing poop which was my current reality, but it smarted quite a bit. By the time Jack walked in the door, I had cleaned up the bathroom that had sewer water everywhere, and had a serious discussion with Sydney about the merits of flushing the toilet and putting down the lid after pooping. (I even used the nice word) Seriously, Lord, a turd eating dog? Ha. Ha.