Murray Moments- The good, the bad, and the ridiculous!

What If?

2010-11-27T08:42:00.000-08:00

I was lying in bed this morning reflecting on a post I've seen copied and pasted by several of my friends on Facebook.

‎7yrs old: Mom I love you. 10 yrs old: Mom whatever. 16 yrs old: OMG my mom is so annoying. 18 yrs old: I wanna leave this house. 25 yrs old: Mom, you were right. 30 yrs old: I wanna go back to my mom's house. 50 yrs old: I don"t wanna lose my mom. 70 yrs old: I would give up everything for my mom to be here with me.

Well I'm in my thirties and my mom has been gone for over ten years now and I have still gone through the "mom was right" stages but without the ability to tell her. That is actually the part that I am most sad about.

This train of thought led me to look at myself now and wonder what I would give up to have my mom here with me. I would truly love to have her here, as well as the other family members that are still deeply embedded in my heart but no longer my life. What if none of the sicknesses and diseases had happened? What would my life be like right now and what would I be like?

It made me wonder if I would have the beautiful marriage that I have right now. Would what started out as a sometimes rocky relationship have blossomed into the oneness that we have come to? Without all of the tragedies would I have learned to turn to my husband, lean on his capable shoulders and truly understand the depth of his love for me?

If my mother, aunt, and grandparents were still here would I be the mother that I am today? Would I know to cling to their every smile and quirk and appreciate the fleeting moments? Would I even understand that everything in life truly turns out to be fleeting? Would I have relied on my elders for wisdom and help rather than just looking at my children and doing my best to meet their individual needs?

I would truly give anything to have a moment with all of them so that I could tell them the things that I wasn't mature enough to say when they were here, especially when I would fight the reality of their passing up until they were gone. I was so sure there would be some miracle at the end or that maybe the doctors were wrong, that I didn't lay out all that I felt. I hope to never make that same mistake again. I am really grateful for the person they helped me to be through their love and faith in me as I grew up and the lessons that have shaped who I am today through their deaths.

"What if?" It is a question that is interesting to ask yourself about things that could have happened to avoid bad luck or tragedies but the reality of it is that bad luck and tragedies make us appreciate the things that actually go right. I love and miss my family with every breath that I take but the course of despair has actually taught me more about the purity of love and family than I could have learned any other way. I think that instead of asking "What if?", I will start to focus on "What's next?"

Crackcakes

2010-06-15T19:02:00.000-07:00

I sometimes feel like my life is just a series of ridiculous situations strung together to create a tableau. One that can make you laugh and cry all at the same time.

Back on Valentine's Day weekend I had a wild hair up my ass to redo the girls' room. Melanie was to move to the downstairs room by herself and I was putting the younger two with bunks in their room and adding some bright paint hoping that it would be distracting enough to help me not notice the perpetual and varying states of disaster their room is usually in.

On Sunday I was still trying to finish so my dear, sweet, and now that I look back on it, EVIL sister in law took all three kids for the day so that I could move their furniture around and paint the room "cantaloupe". Random color I know. As it turned out, Jack was whining about the runny paint and had me return it which was a joy since they don't return paint that has been tinted. The explanation that I gave them was that my husband described it as "runny and some other things peppered with the eff word". They gave me my money back and I planned on grabbing the kids and stopping by Home Depot to get a different brand.

When I picked the kids up they were bouncing around telling me how much fun they had making cupcakes and eating candy and playing with the dogs and, and, and... I was thrilled that they had such a good time until we got to Home Depot. I gave them the customary lecture before we got out of the car, "If you don't behave in here I swear I will make you pay... blah... kick your... blah... " It apparently had no impact.

While selecting paint colors they were wrestling each other to the ground, chasing up and down the aisles, shouting, laughing like crazed lunatics... wait, that might have been me shortly before I really freaked out. Anyway, I was standing in line trying to hold on to Doodles as she attempted to jerk my arm out of the socket by running from one side of me to the other while alternately laughing, screaming and crying. It was the worst I had ever seen them. I was dying.

Just then I glanced up to see a gentleman just staring sympathetically at me. He had three children of ages that may have been similar to my own. He simply said, "My kids are always like that when I pick them up from from my sister in law's." Ironic eh? I told him so. He looked me in the eye and said, "I will pray for you."

I just left that at a "thank you" but I wasn't sure if I should laugh or cry. How frickin' hilarious is it that my kids make complete strangers feel the need to pray for me? Alternately, how sad is that? In defense, this situation is waaaaay worse than average but dang, it. was. crazy!!!

I got the evil people strapped into the car about the time that Doodles was earnestly starting her crying meltdown. I then got in the driver's seat and promptly sent my sister in law a text message.

"Thanks for feeding them the crackcakes."

FML

2010-05-14T20:34:00.000-07:00

So about five short minutes ago my middle devil Sydney threw Jack under the bus so hard that I was stunned as were the Mormon missionaries and the Elders Quorum President that were in attendance for the show. Here's how it went:

I heard a knock on the door and go out to balcony to explain to my visitors that I had been home from work with the flu and that in consideration for their health, that it would be a bad idea for me to visit today. They are nodding and smiling in understanding when Sydney comes along and says this...

"When I told you last time that my dad was sleepy, it was a lie. He told me to."

That was one of those moments where I would like to be that mom from "The Incredibles" and stretch down to where she was prancing around dropping bombs and grab her by her evil wee neck! I just talked through it and left it because well, what do you say to that? I'm still trying to figure out how to talk to her about that kind of situation without involving too many curse words and threats of bodily harm.

The reason they were at my door coming for a visit is because I am a member of their church. I am not a "good" member in the sense that I do not attend and well, I like coffee, and tea, oh, and I drink very occasionally. I abstained from these things for quite awhile while attending church regularly and doing all of my churchly duties. Then one day around the time that I lost my Aunt Lindee, I just didn't want to do it anymore. I was too tired, felt like I had no more to give and was hopeful that the Lord would love me as I stood. Tired. Angry. Broken.

This was about four years ago and since then I went a handful of times in Arizona, but never again was able to regain the passion and commitment that I once had. Some of this is because I have never regained the person that I was before the people that laid the foundation of me were taken. I have nobody to look at my children and compare their antics with my own, or anyone to see my antics of today and know their origin and just my general history.

I feel like the person I am can never again come near to being the person that I was and I don't feel like I can go back to being that churchgoing Mormon girl again. First of all, I am a stinkin' liberal which does not generally fly, and it's not that I don't believe in it, but that I believe in so many other things as well. Without going into the list of what I believe, I can simply say that I feel like there is so much truth in so many things, that I can never sit through a lesson again about the "only truth" without raising my hand to feverishly object. I love the LDS church and many of the people in it but in groups I just feel differently now about how I fit with them. And I don't doubt that they would still love and tolerate me but I just don't have the dang energy. So I put off the real discussion with the nice young boys about the why's and such of my non-attendance because I look at their fresh, devout little faces and can't imagine that they would ever understand how it would be to have things as simple as doing callings, family home evenings, or three hours every Sunday be enough to throw you off of the sheer cliff you've been clinging to.

At least Sydney cleansed her soul of her little lie on her father's behalf! God bless her!

For The Love Of Jared Leto

2010-05-13T20:54:00.000-07:00

This is a horrible picture, but I swear this guy is h-h-hot!! It's just hard to be a professional-like photographer when you are using your phone and being shoved on all sides.

I wanna squeal like a teenage girl at a Jonas Brother's concert when I think about the 30 Seconds to Mars concert I went to the other night! I was so excited to get tickets and go see them again! I saw them a couple years ago in Glendale AZ and loved the show, but this one was way cooler for me. The last one was at a huge venue and this one was considerably smaller and I decided that I wanted to be on the floor immersed with the other starstruck fans. I had watched excitedly and had a bird's eye view the last time and this time I wanted to experience the chaos of it. The whole time Jack muttered that we should be up top, and I would roll my eyes and go back to screaming and jumping like a super freak.

The only really annoying part were the girls that would try to shove in front of me like I wouldn't notice that someone was practically stepping on me and pushing me out of the way since there was so much room and all. Even make up flimsy stories, like my boyfriend is up there. "Whateva biatches, mine too, and his name is Jared." Psht. I'd give them the "you've got to be shittin' me" look I practice on my kids all the time and pointedly resumed taking up all of the non-space I had previously. As if...

All in all it was a great night and I got myself a new t-shirt so that I can retire the old one before it becomes any more threadbare!

Jack in Training

2010-04-27T19:35:00.000-07:00

Marriage is a strange and wonderful thing. I think that mine leans more toward the strange end of the spectrum. I know, right? One of the wonderful things is that Jack is forever diligent about keeping track of things where I tend to be forgetful and flighty. (I hope that at least one person crinkles their forehead in confusion because they cannot imagine me being either of those things. Just one.) For example, every night he makes sure that my phone is found and plugged in for me. Every night I lay down and ask him if he's seen my phone. Every night he points toward my nightstand where it is plugged in. And every night I smile in gratitude that I don't have to get back up and organize a hunt.

Another one of my little quirks that Jack has to cope with is that I'm a dresser-drawer-leaver-opener. Yup, why open drawers more than you have to? Open once and just leave it. It's what I do. It drives Jack insane because I have a long, low dresser that is caddy corner from our bed. In order to get from bed to anywhere, Jack has to pass between the corner of the bed and the corner of the dresser. It's not a terribly tight squeeze unless of course the drawers are wide open. Unfortunately for him I keep my workout clothes in the bottom drawer nearest the bed and at 5am when I'm getting ready for the gym I can barely remember to get dressed let alone shut drawers.

A couple of weeks ago I had stayed up reading until almost 2 in the morning and must have disturbed him when I came to bed. Our room was pitch black and I heard Jack throw back the covers and stumble to his feet. Then I heard step, step, drawer closing... I suddenly started laughing SO hard and could not stop! Jack continued his journey in the dark muttering, "evil bitch..." I love that guy! Even in the pitch dark, half asleep he knows well enough that I had left the dang drawer open and that his shins were at serious risk!

I feel like I should give him some sort of certificate for achieving what some people can never have. The ability to just accept things as they really are and just cope. I felt a tear in my eye at how far he's come... *sniff*

Life with Cody

2010-04-19T15:59:00.001-07:00

It's been almost 14 years since we made the fateful decision to bring our first canine companion into our lives. Fourteen years of exasperation, tears, with the occasional laugh at our own expense. It was always us on the receiving end of the misery as I can only think of one time that Cody's actions directly led to his own humiliation/misery. Other than when he pushed me to the edge a time or two (or fifty or sixty...) and I would grab him by either side of his beautiful white mane and scream at him, "Why do you have to be such an asshole?!"

This probably seems dramatic and maybe even a bit exaggerated, but I swear that this dog, this innocent looking geriatric dog has caused more problems than any creature I have heard of. I watched "Marley and Me" and scoffed at the antics of that dog while thinking to myself that they had nothing on my stories! In fact I've recently started a book about them. One that will likely never get published or recognized in any way, but one that needs to be written nevertheless. I feel like I need to tell the Cody stories even if it's only my form of self therapy. To get it off my chest as they say.

I've been kicking myself lately for not having documented any of his hijinks. Some of the stuff he has done would have definitely been photo worthy even if it was only for us to make a solid case against him for the loss of our sanity. Or to make people that don't know him believe that a dog was capable of such acts. In his old age he has lost some of his pep, but none of his bad and devious attitude. I attempted to make up for my poor documentation history with this picture.

Yes, that is crap on a case of Diet Pepsi. And yes, I do believe that it was totally intentional and pre-meditated. I do not joke about this. He was mad at me for something, pick any reason, and he knows that soda is important to me. That was his statement.

Mel and I walked him three miles that night because I mistakenly thought that Mr. Gimpster would give up and we'd have to leave him on the roadside, but he tromped along like a champ! I'm sure that he will live many more years if only just to spite us. He is the dog that refuses to stop breathing.

In all seriousness he is loved, but in sort of a Stockholm Syndrome sort of way.

Don't Judge Other Parents

2010-04-12T18:09:00.000-07:00

I used to watch parents with their children out in public and gasp in shock occasionally at how they would turn around and snap at their child for some seemingly innocent request. I no longer do that. I wish that I could come up with some hand signal or salute that would become the universal sign for "I feel your pain; dang kids!" See, we as the observers have no idea what those children have put that parent through to get them to the point that they are ready to snap for no obvious reason.

The other day I was that parent on the verge of a meltdown, but I was not in a grocery store. I was in a pizza place trying to order a pizza so that I could sit and relax because I could feel myself nearing the end of my short rope. All this thanks to the evil wee people that had been running around insane all day, dragging me down with them. Anyway, Doodles and Sydney had walked down there with me and were running between the video games, the servers area, and me, while touching every table they saw and I tried to look at the menu on the counter. At my elbow was a large stack of to-go menus. As I'm trying to ask the guy at the counter something, I feel a disturbance with the paper menu stack. Without looking I slam my hand down on the stack and continue talking. Again comes the rattling of the paper and again I slam down my hand. The third time I grab the menu, put it pointedly back on the pile and swing my head in a downward arc prepared to threaten the life of a small person if they f*$!#d with the menus again. (remember the pending meltdown??) Only there wasn't a small person there. It was a full grown man hand. Yup. Some guy came in behind me and simply wanted to look at a menu. He looked at me kinda pissed if I do say so myself, and says "excuse me!" I respond with, "I'm sorrrryyy... I thought you were one of my evil children!"

He was judging me. Even after my oh so eloquent apology and the fact that my children were still running around like a-holes, I could tell that he thought that I was a horrible parent while he sat there with his quiet, well behaved child. I know a universal sign I could have given him...

Oblivion

2010-03-15T18:55:00.000-07:00

I was just reading my last post realizing that it has been since right after Christmas that I've had anything monumental to say. Not that anything I've had to say was monumental really. The sad truth is that I am writing right now and still have nothing monumental pinging around in my brain but feel the need to write something nevertheless. I am that uncomfortable with silence person.

So the last few months have been pretty uneventful except for a near miss health crisis with Melanie. Thought she might need brain surgery, but discovered that she may just be a fainter. Awesome.

I bought myself a planner at the first of this year not to document any extensive future plans or keep track of my crazy appointments. Nope, it's just for me to write down every day what I have done regardless of how boring it is. Some days it's "work and watch Idol". Sounds pathetic eh? What I've found is that I've slid into a ridiculous rut of monotony that I'm struggling to get out of. I started writing down my pathetic activities so that when asked what I've been up to, that I might actually remember or at least have a reference. I just need to remember to write it down. The days feel like they just slide by. They slide into weeks and months and later when I look back I'm scratching my head wondering what just happened. Did I accomplish anything at all?

I've decided that Jack is a bad influence on the children. I know! Crazy eh? Who knew? I was driving yesterday with Doodles in the backseat of the car and we were at a stoplight. Out of nowhere I hear, "Be good mom while the cop goes by." This was said in all seriousness and a hint of desperate worry. Amazing. Jack is working diligently on instilling the concept of being good only when figures of authority are looking and a generalized feeling of distrust and malice toward the po-po. I wonder how this will work for us in their teen years? I may have to go on strike and let him clean up his own messes!

The other day I had a strange experience at the grocery store. You know those moments that are ridiculous and not a big deal, but they are embedded in your thoughts for no good reason? It was one such occasion for me. I got up at the ass-crack of dawn on Friday to go to the store and get the stuff to put together a lasagna for after work. I'm at the checkout clutching my coffee and looking especially haggard while she rang up two measly little bags of groceries that constituted the necessary ingredients. And I had been thoughtful of my children and bought six various sprinkley doughnuts. I sat there with my card held in midair while she read me my total. "That'll be $73. (and some change) I just stood there with my card still adrift looking at her, looking at my bags, back to her, and my bags. She looked at me, back at my bags, and then wordlessly starts scanning through the receipt. She was charging me for six dozen doughnuts. That would have sucked. It was such an interesting though wordless exchange at 6am. Then I'm in the throes of making lasagna and Mel had just finished her doughnut-

Mel: Oh! Did you go to the store?

Me: Nope, I baked those doughnuts.

Someday when my kids are being smart asses I'll look back to these moments and know that it's karma. I just have so little self control with it.

We Survived!

2009-12-25T20:35:00.000-08:00

It is finally the evening of Christmas in the Murray home, and all is quiet.... I and my family have survived the holiday season intact, and just barely swerved out of the way of a nervous breakdown. I have been looking forward to just this moment in time when I am not at work and all of the gatherings and gifts and stress are behind me. This is the best moment of Christmas. The moment when you can sit down, breath a sigh of relief, and wrap yourself up in the warmth of the memories made with loved ones.

Surprisingly, (not) I have no pictures yet, but they may come. Like next year sometime after I post last years. I can't keep too high of expectations for myself about stuff like that or I'll just feel like a depressed failure and bag the whole thing entirely.

The girls all got Nintendo DS's for Christmas which has proved to be an amazing blessing for us, and is what allows me to be sitting here right now typing this. Because I have my laptop to myself. With nobody lurking around asking for "their turn". As if I have an obligation to share! Since they haven't had their own systems, they have become addicted to several internet game sites like barbie.com, webkinz, and some mooshi thing. The other night Jack and I crashed into bed around eleven and left the girls to a movie since it's Christmas break. At some point I woke up to Doodles turning on my bathroom light and digging around my night stand while singing to herself. I'm dazed and looking around trying to figure out what the heck time it was, and Jack's looking at his phone grumbling about it being three in the morning!

Me: Doodles, what the heck are you doing????

Doodles: Looking for my ni-night panties. hmm.. hmm, la, la...

Me: Did you wet the bed or something? Gah!

Doodles: No! I go to bed now! I was playing on the 'puter. (pronounced- pewter)

I cannot believe the little turd stayed up all frickin' night playing frickin' computer games! I'd like to blame that on someone else, but I'm sure that one is a genetic trait somehow linked to me. Whoops.

Then I have Miss. Syd who is the Queen of Random Thoughts. This one came out of nowhere and made me realize what a deep thinker she is for her young age. She's my sensitive one for sure. I had worked late and then had to run errands and to get ingredients for some holiday baking and while I was putting away stuff Sydney was hanging around.

Sydney: Mom. Can I talk to you?

Me: Sure! (please don't ask where babies come from, please don't ask....)

Sydney: Did you get to say "goodbye" to your mom?

I could not believe that was what she wanted to talk about. I hadn't even really thought about it quite like that myself. It made me just stop in my tracks. No, I didn't. Not really. I said the goodbye that means "see ya later" but not the goodbye that really means "goodbye". This was the perfect time to explain to her that sometimes you don't know when your goodbye will be forever which is why you always need to treat and speak to everyone like it might be the last time. I tried to keep that conversation near to my heart during these last couple of days, through all the family gatherings, and be grateful for the chaos and fatigue that comes with this time of year because I couldn't be more grateful for the family and the many blessings that I have. To my family and friends- I love you and hope that you have had a wonderful Christmas!

Add-On To Previous...

2009-12-15T23:14:00.000-08:00

So I was talking to my sister-in-law Abby the other night and she was expressing her disappointment that I left out what she thought was the best part of this story. I realize that I told two stories in that post, so I am specifically referring to the one involving duct. tape. Just for Abby I will tell the rest of the sordid tale....

So later after we got ourselves together, survived the Murray Family Christmas Gathering, tree shopping, and a 2-year old's birthday party, we were finally home relaxing with Jack's brother, Abby and their two boys, Chase-8 and Cole-5. The kids were all playing well except for....... *drum roll please*....... wait for it............. you'll never guess!!!! DOODLES!!! Never saw that coming eh? Anyhoo, I'm not really sure what was going on but she was being a pest and Jack was in the midst of something, I don't know what, but he was on a mission. All we hear is Doodles being loud and obnoxious and Jack calling from the upstairs for... duct. tape. I guess the reason that this would be hilarious is because we were all pretty convinced that his mission may have been to use it on Doodles. I joked nervously like, "Yeah, yeah, you could be right. He's probably taping her to the wall as we speak!" The kids giggled in a hushed sort of way, but kept looking around at each other like they were waiting to see if it was really a joke because well, really we all know that she has a way of pushing you just past that line in the sand. The one that divides the Land of the Sane and the opposite, The Land Where Amber Resides. Needless to say, he avoided the temptation, but the wondering if she would be coming back down with him or not was way too much fun!

Doodles

2009-12-15T00:00:00.000-08:00

One would never know it based solely on this picture, that this child could be the most devilish of my brood. The problem is that she is so darn cute! It's those eyes, and the "I love you too, Mom!" as she runs up the stairs to piss off her sisters that keeps her alive. I don't even have to say "I love you" to get that response. That's what is so dang adorable about it! She adds the "too" whether I say it first or not. At least her cuteness may save her from mine and Jack's wrath, but Mel and Syd may be a different story. I'm pretty sure it's a matter of time before she gets shanked. They have been giving her everything she wants since she was born just to shut her up, but I sense years of bitterness boiling close to the edge, and I fear for that wee devil! What is it they say about reaping what you sow?

Me: cleaning and putzing in kitchen...

Doodles: Kyle is a Douche Bag.

Me: heading upstairs to beat hell out of Jack

You May Want To Play Poker With Jack....

2009-12-09T22:18:00.000-08:00

If you want to be a winner at any real power play games, i.e. poker, you may want Jack as your opponent. He has a gift for just showing his hand with little to no coersion. I've always known that he wasn't a master manipulator which is something that I truly appreciate, but I am so much more appreciative that he just blows out the punchline without me even asking!

For example, tonight I'm cuddled under the covers looking at him complaining how cold and bone tired I am and that the kitchen was a total disaster. And here's the punchline.... "Well you know if you leave it long enough that I'll just do it myself." I had no response other than my wide eyed look of shock. Plus I was too busy listening to the angels singing a joyous ditty in my head. Just when I think my day was total $hit, my husband hands me a gem of an epiphany. Full house baby!

The Things Wee People Say...

2009-12-07T22:10:00.000-08:00

People judge you every day. They judge you by your appearance, the car you drive, where you live, and I hope, against all hope that they don't judge me by the things that come out of the mouths of my children. Sometimes the things they say make me raise my eyebrows and my mouth to form a perfectly surprised "O".

Please don't judge me for the tales I'm about to share. I only share them because I know (hope) that someday my children will read this and know what they did to me. I don't feel that they will truly appreciate it though until they have children of their own to give them the same kind of love (aggravation) that I have experienced.

I am forever lecturing Jack about the things he says to/around the children. They are impressionable you know? One of his favorite names to call people on his list of "Individuals Too Stupid To Live", (which is most everyone in his opinion) is Douche Bag. Just the word on its own probably leads you to imagine any number of situations, but the real story is more inappropriate/hilarious/embarrassing than I would have ever imagined!

The Setting: Jack, I, and the girls were at a local Blockbuster looking along the new release wall with my brother and his wife. The girls were frolicking around and there were a few other people milling about.

Me: Where the heck did Sydney wander off to?

Jack: I don't know... Mel! Go find your sister!

Sydney: I'm back here Douche Bag!!!!

Group: Stunned silence followed by muffled snickers from loitering strangers.

She did not say it in a conversational tone, no, she. yelled. it. It was one of those situations where I didn't address the child with my wrath, but immediately turned my flame throwing gaze to my dear husband saying, "You did this!"

The other day we were hustling to get ready for Jack's family Christmas event and I was trying to do Melanie's hair to the tune of Doodles screaming at the top of her lungs over anything and everything that went wrong with her world. Randomly, Mel walked away while I reached for something. Totally annoyed I yell for her to get her a$$ back in there so we could get going! I get no response, so I yell for her again! Ready to go on a killing spree, I turn around and she comes back all nonchalant without an explanation like she hadn't been screwing around while I waited for her with a flatiron. As I grab a piece of her hair and get back to work, I look over and Doodles is standing there with tears welled up in her eyes and a large piece of duct tape across her mouth. Yes, duct tape. Mel says nothing and stands there ignoring the situation like no big.

Me: Uh, Mel, ummm.... Do you really think that taping her mouth shut was the best idea?

Mel: Oh she's fine. It's just duct tape.

Doodles promptly ran downstairs to Jack who coddled her and acted appropriately ashamed of the situation. Had I done something that fun and diabolical to my brother as a kid, I would have been snorting and stifling giggles behind my hand, but my child just sits there bland like "what?" I don't know if I shoulda hi-fived her or fretted about her moral compass. I lean toward the hi-five, but then I don't know if my moral compass points due north either because if I'm being honest with myself, deep down, I wish that I had the courage to tape her mouth shut more often!

Halloween 2008

2009-11-10T20:10:00.000-08:00

No, you have not stepped into a time warp, and no I am not delusional (sorta not) and think it's the year 2008. I am fully aware that it is now 2009 and that I am just now finally getting last years Halloween pictures up. I think I need to join Slackers Anonymous.

Anyhoo... Last year we were still in good ol' Sierra Vista AZ where they actually allow the schools to have Halloween parties! Yes! Seriously! This year they had a Harvest Party which we all know is not nearly as cool as a Halloween party because we are without what??? Yep! Halloween costumes! How much funner is that?! So last year I got to get the kids ready for Halloween bright and early in the morning in time for school.

Thanks to the Auntie Lois, Sydney was rockin' a Rainbow Brite costume that made me smile at all the childhood memories that one brought back! (I'm mailing that back. Seriously. See above commitment to Slackers Anonymous. Sorry.) She looked FABULOUS! I sprayed her hair orange and she was ready to go!

Now Melanie for the entire year had said that she wanted to be a bat. Seemed easy enough, but all we could find in the stores were capes and such which was not gonna cut it. Her opinion, not mine. So I googled for ideas and ended up staying up until 4:30 the night before (slacker...) sewing umbrella halves under the arms of a black turtleneck. It seemed like it would be a quick whip-stitch project but as usual, it was waaay more annoying than that. Melanie insisted that she had to be all black, just like a bat. Ok, so I didn't want to deal with spraying her hair black, so I just put the bat ears through a black stocking cap and painted her face black. And we had a bat. Sort of.

A week or so ago I was sitting in a parent teacher conference discussing Melanie's creative writing journal when I looked at what Mel had selected for the teacher to go over since it was her favorite entry. It was the entry about last Halloween and how she had dressed up as a bat burglar. I was smothering giggles until I finally couldn't control it anymore and had to explain the story of what we had actually intended as opposed to the result. Until I read that darling little journal I had never really thought about the conflicting messages that her costume had sent. Leave it to Mel to figure it out and just throw it in a journal. Bat burglar.... So check this!

See what I mean? Awesome, really. I bet she was the only bat burglar in existence that year. Because we're cool like that.

And Doodles, well Doodles insisted on being a kitty cat. She made me take pictures of her in the morning looking like her own cute self. (the natural devil costume)

Here she is in all her kitty cat glory, positively glowing at the opportunity to go an collect her weight in candy! Nothing makes that girl happier!

So this means that maybe next year I'll have this years stuff! hahaha! Just kidding! (maybe)

And School Begins! Like a Month Ago...

2009-10-06T20:22:00.001-07:00

It's only a month into the school year so it seems that when compared to the fact that I haven't even posted last Halloween, nearly a year past now, that I'm dang near on time! Yesssss!

So the first day of school was the usual chaos with my sleep deprived children being drug out of bed by their equally sleep deprived mother after a gluttonous summer of letting her children look like orphans. Out came the soap, shampoo, (I know, right?) the flat iron, the rubber bands, and the shiny new school clothes. It took some time but we pulled it off on time for me to accompany them to their first day of school. I'm pretty sure that I managed with only a handful of swear words. I'm so fricking good.

So after spending a ridiculous amount of time making sure that my kids looked put together, I stood in my daughter's classroom with despair in my heart and likely a look of horror on my face while I watched the good moms take pictures of their smiling children sitting in their little desks. And standing there unloading their school supplies. And with the teacher. AND I FORGOT THE DAMN CAMERA!!!! Who does that? What good mom forgets the camera on the first day of school???? They don't!!! That would mean that I am not a good mom! Crap! I spent the whole day at work fretting about my lapse and cursing at myself under my breath.

But I found a solution... Oh yes, my crafty self was not going to let this be a total loss! I drove home like a bat outta hell and before even asking how the oh-so-important first day of school went, boot camp style started shouting orders- "Get up off the couch and get your shoes back on! Your blisters will be fine! Hurry up! Grab those backpacks and get over here so I can straighten your hair! Yeah, yeah, glad you had fun- No! Get your shoes on and go stand together!" All of this to make up for my inadequacies as a mother. I'm sure the therapist will help them work it out eventually.

So here's Mel forgetting that we are not posing for our senior pictures, and that she's only nine.

And this is them posing with their gang/peace signs, and no, Sydney does not have epilepsy.

Here they are again with Syd flipping her gang/peace signs, and yes, Melanie does have an attitude.

And this, this is Doodles flipping straight up gang signs cuz she be da bomb. Das right.

So the next day....

The next day I decided to further torture my children in order to make up for my eff-up the previous morning by lugging the camera to the bus stop. The children may have been a bit annoyed with me. Especially Mel...

And the other parents and children were a little bit miffed that I was holding up the line so that I could pose the children by the school bus.

Only those of you that have known me from my school days can truly appreciate pictures of my children getting on the bus with the other children. And by this I mean that the novelty is that my children are not gasping for breath, holding their sides after running for their lives to catch the bus. That may have been my experience. I've heard about it but I think it may be one of those repressed memories from my childhood. Like when I got a referral and removed from the bus after I (Rochelle) called the bus driver a b!tch. That same b!tch we got to sit behind during Sacrament meeting on Sunday. I wish I had repressed that one a little more. I don't know if I ever thanked you for that one Rochelle. And I know I never thanked Heather for tapping on my window every dang day so that we could walk to the bus together only to have to come in and help me throw myself together because the tap had become my alarm clock. Oop's.

So here they are looking a little relieved that they were on their way far, far away from my embarrassing antics.

Aren't they precious?

Don't Forget To Remember...

2009-09-11T22:49:00.000-07:00

I've been sitting here thinking all evening about how strange it is that I have had such a normal everyday, day. It's a bit surreal if I let my mind drift back to today, eight years ago. When I was young my family would reminisce about what they were doing when Kennedy was assassinated, or when Elvis died, Peal Harbor, or any of those monumental moments in our history. When I turned on the television that early morning and watched the second plane slam into the tower, I was transfixed with horror. As I sank my sick, pregnant body into the recliner in front of the television, I knew with perfect clarity that this moment would stay with me forever.

In the days, weeks, and months following the most brutal attacks on U.S. soil, it seemed as if we were inundated with images from that day. Images of horrified American citizens running for their lives with looks of not just terror, but confusion on their faces. They, and all of us watching were wondering "why"? We no longer wonder because we understand the who now, but I am still wondering why, why we are able to so quickly fall away from the lessons of that day. That day we learned about terror, but we also learned about unity and rediscovered humanity. I felt that suddenly we were able to connect with one another on a level far deeper than at any other time in my life. Suddenly we as Americans could reach across all divides and feel the same pain. We were sharing the same fears for our future and celebrating the same guilty gratitude that it wasn't us on that television screen covered in dust and blood wondering what just happened, grateful that we could hug our loved ones. I wonder today, having not seen one of those images that was burned into my brain from repeated exposure, if we have broken that promise of not forgetting? Have we settled back into our mundane existences, forgetting that we are still fighting the war that began on that day? I think that maybe we have. I did hear a comment or two on the radio today but it seemed like not enough. Of course how can we quantify what would be enough?

I saw a petition of sorts on my husband's facebook page asking if he thought if 9/11 should be a national holiday. He answered "yes" and I was almost offended that we had to ask this. Isn't it already? How could we not consider a day when the world stopped to watch thousands be murdered a "national holiday"? Do we have to make it official and plug it in on the calendar to make it any more valid or to keep us from forgetting? It is/was far more important than that.

I just want to take a moment to publicly (to the two of you readers) state that I am so grateful for our troops that still fight the war that began on this day eight years ago, with honor and at great sacrifice to themselves and their families. I am grateful for my country and the freedom that it stands for around the world. I am grateful for this day that I have the freedom to write this, and publish it while my husband and baby sleep beside me in safety because of those that have sacrificed for us and will continue to do so as long as there is a need.

And as for me, I will always remember...

Dangerous Hippos

2009-08-30T13:46:00.000-07:00

So I was reading (wasting time/avoiding chores) a few minutes ago when I ran across a photo that made me chuckle because it relates to this conversation I had with Sydney. According to Sydney, hippos are "the dangerousest animals on earf". I had my doubts until I saw this on MSN. I had been torn between sharks and lions, but I am certainly glad not to be this poor bastard.

Chicken Little

2009-08-28T23:09:00.000-07:00

So today was a really strange day. At work there were some big changes that hopefully will work out for the best for all involved despite the bereft feelings that we all are having. I am truly one to believe that when one door closes, another will open. Of course for me, it usually opens and then swings back and hits me in the ass one last time. Hopefully that's just me and that the rest of y'all are safe. Whatever.

I just have to tell this story now before I forget the details. As if.... As if I will EVER let my dear cousin Kyle forget this incident!!!!! Hahahahohohohehehe! This is one for the books baby! Or the blogs as it may be. So this dear sweet cousin of mine is fresh outta high school and working full time teaching skateboarding lessons, and after work he went to the local skate park. He was in the middle of one of the "sickest runs" when he saw lights speeding across the sky with weird "lit up $hit" falling down from it. All the other skate pukes stopped to wonder what was going on but not Kyle. Nope, he was running with his board to the car. He drove home as fast as he could so that he wouldn't die alone. He ran in and told us that he thought Korea was bombing us and to turn on Channel 8. I thought that he must have seen a defective firework or something when Jack explained that the airshow was having a nighttime show as well. After a weird (crappy-ish) day at work, a couple glasses of wine, and a house full of little girls, this was the funniest crap I'd heard all day. Naturally I spent the rest of the night giggling while crouching and shrieking, "The sky is falling, the sky is falling!"

The moral of the story is to not be stupid (Kyle).

I totally poached this picture from his myspace. Sorry copyright laws, and please don't throw me in the slammer.

Irony

2009-08-27T21:40:00.000-07:00

I love the word irony. I appreciate the concept of irony as well. I think this affection that I have for it is deeply rooted in the fact that I understand it as only one who experiences it often and sees it for what it is can have. We, irony and I are practically BFF's. I mean we hang out daily, laugh and cry together. We. Are. Tight.

Irony and I had a laugh just yesterday. Today too, but not every moment is worth a blog spotlight eh? You may find that this is not either, but unfortunately for you, I choose my blog content. Anyhoo, I was somewhere talking to someone (anonymity is important ya know?) about some others. Actually we were bitching about these people. Before you draw horrible conclusions about me and "someone", I would like to explain that these people are not the victims here. In fact, on a regular basis these other "someone's" make it their personal goal to make anyone and everyone in the vicinity as viciously miserable as they are. I have a legitimate reason to bitch since I am often in their vicinity. After this conversation I sit down to eat my lunch and open one of the two books in my purse. I had decided to read "How to Practice The Way to a Meaningful Life" by, His Holiness the Dalai Lama. Some light reading for sure. I kid you not, the first paragraph that I read was this:

"Instead of getting angry, nurture a deep caring and respect for troublemakers because by creating such trying circumstances, they provide us with invaluable opportunities to practice tolerance and patience."

HA! HA! HA! HA! What had I been thinking? Bitching about these troublemakers? I should be sending them thank you notes! What are the odds that I would run across that passage after one of the snarkier conversations I'd had all day? I believe that Jesus had something similar to say in The Sermon on The Mount, so I know these things, but I obviously need to be beat over the head with the concepts every now and again. Not that I don't care deeply for troublemakers! I have three (+ Jack) that teach me the timeless qualities of tolerance and patience on a daily basis. I am a fountain of patience and tolerance. Ok, that was a stretch but you get the idea.

Some of us need more time for reflection than others.

Life Lessons

2009-08-21T20:44:00.000-07:00

Today I have had a few epiphanies that I thought I should share with the world since I am turning over a new leaf and becoming a dedicated blogger. Unfortunately for all two of you that give a crap about what I have to say, this new blogging leaf does not specify that I have to say anything relevant or meaningful. Just an FYI so that you can click off now if you don't want to waste any more seconds of precious life reading my babble.

Anyhoo, on to my life lessons of the day....

1) Laxatives work and they work well. Thank you Lord for inspiring the inventors of Ex-Lax.

2) When reading blogs of people that are actually entertaining while sitting on the toilet (see above lesson) close the door. Especially if the bathroom light is on. And the bedroom light is out. And the blinds are open, thereby creating the perfect fishbowl opportunity for the neighbor's living room window directly across. I assume they are pouring acid on their eyeballs right now to eliminate that image, which I guess would keep me from worrying about that particular situation again.

3) I need to get a life. The above activities should indicate that.

4) Ok, hold on to your seats cuz I actually DO have a profound lesson to share. Here goes... I am too obsessed with my body image and what I think it should look like based on photos of models and those bitches in Maxim magazine. (I'm sure they're nice, for real, but still!!!) Some others of you that have MSN as your home page may have seen this same stunning photo of a nearly nude beautiful girl who appears to be perfectly at home in her own skin. Here's the kicker... she is a plus sized model! She has the same and maybe a few flaws I'm not freaking about with my own body, and she is beautiful! Check it-

The best part of this photo is that it was in Glamour magazine, the one and same that likely helped produce my body issues, and that this girl is a size 12+! Apparently the feedback from readers was huge and joyful! How many of us appreciate that someone "normal" is being flaunted as sexy and comfortable in something besides a mumu or a before pic for some new diet? Hallelujah! This is coming from me, she who has been dieting for a year, losing 50 lbs and still obsessed with the fact that my tummy still looks like, well, hers. What does that say about me? I'm a little scared to look too far into that, but I do think that I need to chill the heck out and just be as cool and comfortable with my body as she is. I honestly think it's her confidence and posture that spells out her beauty, and maybe her perfect skin tone. I think that more weight loss would be fine for me if it happened, but a loss of my perfection-seeking body obsessions would be far more appropriate, and provide more long term happiness.

If you want to read the full article, you can find it at-

http://www.glamour.com/health-fitness/blogs/vitamin-g/2009/08/on-the-cl-the-picture-you-cant.html

*please forgive me for breaking any licensing laws or copyright laws or anything else I can be held accountable for during the writing of this article. Oh, and if the laxative talk grossed you out, too dang bad. I'm crazy like that.

Back In The Saddle!

2009-08-20T21:44:00.000-07:00

The sad reality is that I can't even type that title and not hear Steven Tyler screaming that in my head. And now it won't go away. Dang. It. When moments ago I wandered to my dear neglected blog, I had no intention of wasting mine or anyone's time with what is sure to be a ramble since I have no idea where to start filling any of the gaps since my last post in I don't even know how long. But here I am, back in the saddle, with Steven Tyler pissing me off in my head, writing about nothing. Woe to you, anyone out there that may stumble on this. Anyone there? HELLO, Hello, hello...

So it seems that I left off right after we moved to Sierra Vista because Jack got a long awaited promotion. I assume that I stopped writing not only because I am a horrible procrastinator but also because my life went tits up. Yeah, the long awaited promotion? Total layoff. It went from bad to worse and now we are just starting to rebuild, carefully living for today because we're afraid tomorrow may sh*t on us. Call me Pollyanna. In any case, I have retained my sometimes sordid, always snarky sense of humor and look forward to boring anyone willing to read the crap that I have to say. I've decided that since I should fill in the gaps for my posterity that may someday read my rantings, to throw in "Random History" posts whenever I get round to it and do my best to stay current. As Jack always tells me, "Promises, promises..." Of course he is not referring to my blogging goals, but whatever, it sounded good. Or not.

How about I start with a funny story? Sounds good to me! (note- I answer myself nowadays. I read somewhere that talking to yourself is only bad if you answer yourself as well. That can't mean anything good for me.)

Once upon a time there was a girl that had a belly ache because she hadn't pooped in almost a week!

Ok, so that's not funny. Not funny at all. How about this real time conversation I am having with Sydney:

Sydney: Mom... what is the most dangerousest animal on earf?

Me: mentally scrambling and trying to decide between crocodiles, lions, sharks, only to cover
my ignorance with a question: What do you think the most dangerous animal is Miss. Syd?

Sydney: I'm pretty sure it's the hippo.

Me: .....................

Syd and I have the most amazing conversations sometimes. Here's one that Doodles had with my sister-in-law, Abby recently that I will probably laugh about for some time!

Abby: cuddling Doodles How is it that you got so cute?

Doodles: From my mom. (I didn't even teach her to say that!)

Abby: What about your dad? Didn't he help make you cute?

Doodles: giggling Dad isn't cute!!!!

Abby: Why not?

Doodles: Cuz he's pissed off all da time!!!!

Aaah... Child of my heart!

My Dog Cody, The Poodle

2008-12-19T08:55:00.000-08:00

Anyone that knows me and my wonderful dog Cody, knows that he is not a poodle. Like nowhere near a poodle. At. All. Sydney tends to have other ideas for our poor dogs. For example when she decided that Smudge would be a girl dog named Coleen.

For those of you that don't know Cody, here is a picture of him with little Wyatt as a puppy.

So today on the way to school Sydney and I had this conversation:

Syd- "I think Cody should be a poodle"

Me- "Sorry dear, but I don't think that's possible."

Syd- "Yes it is! All we have to do is shave him's fur off and he'll be a poodle!"

Me- Now how fun would that be? Mwahahaha!!!

I should feel bad for even thinking it, but I don't. Maybe it's because my roller blading experiences with him pulling (trying to kill) me are still fresher than I would like. Or the time he ate my sofa, or the time he killed a possum on my area rug that was freshly cleaned and drying outside, or..... I could do an entire book on all of the horrible things that dog has done to me, so me thinks that a little shaving wouldn't even be a drop in the karma bucket for that dog! Who knows, Syd could be right and he may magically become a poodle! How sweet would that be?

"Here Cody, Cody, Cody..."

I Suck.

2008-12-17T08:48:00.000-08:00

Ok, so you know that I meant that figuratively and not literally right? Right? RIGHT??? I meant that my last post was back in early November and even then didn't even touch on many of the things that had been going on. So I meant that I suck as a blogger. I have let y'all down, (all 2 of you) and I intend to get caught up ASAP. I promise. With that, you can now stop holding your breath and go move on with a song in your hearts.

So the more recent news is that Jack has now joined many of our fellow Americans in the ranks of the unemployed. Now that we have been relocated to the Land of No Jobs in the Middle of Nowhere, his yard is being shut down. He had the choice to take the severance package or move back to the Phx yard, to his old job, for less money, no truck, at our own expense and with no future guarantees. Nervously, we have decided to take the severance and head back to Oregon. At least then if we were suffering, we'd be doing it with family and friends!

I will do the catch up work soon, but I have to tell a Punkin story before it disappears in the slippery realm that is my scattered brain.

Punkin has been horribly sick since for the last five days. We're talking high fever, headache, sinus, the whole works. I freaked out for a bit because I wasn't sure what to do since I am almost positive that the kid has never had a real serious cold in her entire life. And really, the other two have only had high fevers lasting more than a day once a piece. This made me realize how blessed and spoiled I really am. The point that I'm not trying to rub in, is that Punkin is inexperienced with the things that come with colds and such. Like coughing. I think the kid has no concept about how and why to cough. Every time in the last few days she felt the tickle in her throat she would basically just clear it and cry and I'm pretty sure she thought that she was dying. I've been trying to encourage and teach her by showing her how to cough so that she could clear out some of the junk in her chest. So today we're on the way home from dropping the girls off at school, she's in the back seat clutching her Pepsi (my bad) and I could hear her trying to cough. She's doing her dangdest to hold it in by clamping her lips together. The forces of nature were not to be held back by just a little girl with a closed mouth! It had to come out somewhere and that somewhere had to be her nostrils! Oh yeah, we're talking snot explosion. Have I mentioned that snot is right up there with poop and vomit on my list of nastiness? Dang kid. Isn't coughing like breathing? Shouldn't it come all natural or something? I wonder if it's some defective gene or something. That's it. Jack's fault.

In other news... well hmmm... I can't think of anything relevant. Anyway, historical updates will be coming.

Freckles

2008-11-05T12:26:00.000-08:00

I was just reading over my last post and trying to figure out how I could ever get Jack to not hold that over my head for the rest. of. my. life. Then it occurred to me that Jack recently did something that wasn't maybe the smartest. In fact it was dumb, and awesome at the same time! That is not his opinion, but since mine is more important, we're calling it hilarious! So in light of my confession of brainlessness I think it fair to share one such moment in Jack's life.

About a month ago, a guy that works with Jack brought over his weed eater for us to borrow. For some reason we have this patch of grass in our back yard that is a mere 2x8 ft and at the time was thigh high. With him he brought his dog, a Mastiff. If you have never seen a Mastiff, then if you can only imagine a dog large enough to saddle and make my larger than average husky look like a girlie man! In fact, Uncle Neal and I were joking on the phone before they showed up that a dog that size probably craps something that looks like a pile of beer cans!

So when he showed up we spent some time B.S.'ing and told him about the crap analogy while the big guy lumbered about the back yard. As soon as he left Jack got busy with the weed eater and before too long I heard it turn off and Jack saying, "Honey, will you please be a good wife, not ask any questions, and start me a shower?"

Good wife? Whaaa? I could tell by the sweet tone that something good was up. Good wife my ass. I opened the door to see what was up, and immediately figured out what happened!

Apparently the big dog had confirmed our crap theory and deposited the equivalent of a pile of beer cans for my unsuspecting husband to nail with the weed eater!!! So if the title made no sense before then just imagine Jack covered head to toe with little poop splatters! Fortunately he had his sun glasses on because they too were speckled with lovely poopy polka-dots! I'm not really sure if that was more fun for me, or watching him try and pull his shirt over his head while gagging over the stench!

Uncle Neal dubbed him "Freckles" and I think it may stick. Literally!!!! Hahahahahahahohohohohehehehe!!!! I crack me up!

One of THOSE Days!!!!

2008-11-05T09:33:00.000-08:00

I had one of THOSE days. One of those days that you laugh so that you don't cry, though Jack said I should be crying, crying because I am so stupid. This may sound harsh, but those that know Jack probably aren't surprised, and after you hear what he's talking about you may agree with him.

So I've been looking into getting some little part-time job in the evenings to make extra money for the holidays and get out and meet people in my new town. Sounds easy, and when I discovered this wonderful bookstore/music store/movie store, and started spending at least an hour a night rummaging through stuff, I thought that I should just get a job there so that I could get paid for hanging out. Seemed simple enough, and after a long application and a long interview, I was asked to go ahead and take a simple drug test. I was pretty happy because this meant that if they wanted to pay for a test to make sure I wasn't some junkie that I likely had a job!

Drug tests are funny things. Well, not really. Not at all in fact, but I am still laughing over mine. Not because the procedure is funny. Nope, not funny. But my personal drug test caused much laughter for those I told about it, and well, probably every person that worked at the lab and everyone they told afterwards about the IDIOT that they had come in. So here's my confession... My name is Amber and I'm an IDIOT. I am hoping to jump on the smart wagon though, and hold on for dear life!

The morning of the test I took the older girls to school and knowing that they probably wouldn't let me take Punkin with me to go pee in a cup, I went to Jack's work and had him take me so that he could watch her while I ran in real quick. So "real quick" turned out to be waaaay too optimistic and I had to wait an hour and a half. By the time the guy called me back my bladder was ready to explode and I wanted to vomit. I only half listened to the guy explaining the procedure because I was focused. Focused on peeing and getting the heck out of there! So goes the fall. He had me wash my hands while he checked the room for hidden urine samples, put the cup on the back of the toilet, and explained that I had four minutes and that I was not to flush or wash my hands afterwards. I practically shoved him out the door so that I could just go already. And go I did. I open the door without having flushed or washed, and he came in, picked up the cup, and says, "You didn't pee in the cup."

No, no I hadn't. I'm not sure why I didn't even now. Maybe I was thinking he would scoop it out of the toilet? Not sure, but while I repeated the "eff" word several times, I tried to hold back the leg slapping, tears streaming out of your eyes, hysterical laugh. I only sort of succeeded because occasionally a small outburst would escape. Had I ever felt stupider? Maybe, but nothing solid comes to memory on that one.

The sad tale does not end there because Mr. I Think You Are A Junkie No Sense Of Humor, said that I was welcome to go back to the waiting room, drink lots of water and then try again when I was ready. Fine, so I drank water until I was going to puke and then when I thought I could pee a little, I flagged him down. This time I wasn't going to screw it up. I went in the bathroom, concentrated REAL hard and managed to put out some urine in the cup this time. I open the door, he grabs the cup and says, "This isn't enough."

"I'm sorry, Mr I Think You Are A Junkie No Sense of Humor, but what do you mean? You didn't tell me there was a urine quota! What the heck am I supposed to do about that????"

Not willing to guzzle any more water, and judging from the hostile, disbelieving text messages I was getting from Jack, I figured my time there had ended. I was stressing about what to do, and he told me to call the employer and see if I could get another set of paperwork so that I could try again another day.

"Why? So they can tell me I'm too stupid to hire???" How was I going to make that phone call? I went home and paced around wondering what I was going to tell them. Finally, I just called and made some vague excuse about screwing up their strict procedures at the clinic, and much to my relief they were really cool and told me they'd get the paperwork in order for me again.

Whew, disaster averted, job still possible. I went in yesterday and managed to get it right the first time! Third time is a charm and all that crap.... So now I will have to make sure that I act extra smart so that my husband forgets about this mere lapse in intelligence. As if...

Sydney- The Modest Nudist?

2008-10-19T23:50:00.000-07:00

It's no secret to anybody that Sydney does not like wearing clothes. Review this post if you need a historical perspective on this issue. This has always been the case for her, and I've learned to deal with it in most contexts. Much to my good fortune, she has learned that at all times in public she is to wear clothes. It has taken many years and much embarrassment to get to this point, but finally we're here.

Once Jack and I were reading a menu at a restaurant and looked up at the waitress that we thought was waiting for us to order. Only she wasn't paying any attention to us, her look of horror/shock was directed just beyond us. Immediately we whip our heads around to see that Sydney had popped up from under the table with nothing but her panties on! Naturally the other patrons noticed too. At this point I wanted to crawl under the table, and Jack maybe would have been glad to join me.

Another time I was pregnant with Punkin and I took Sydney to McDonald's to have lunch and play. It wasn't long before I heard shocked gasps from nearby tables. I was afraid to look because I was pretty sure I knew what the problem was. Low and behold! Miss. Syd had gone up the play structure fully clothed, but came down the slide in her panties. Since I was getting little to no cooperation on getting her to get up and get her own clothes, my fat, pregnant ass had to climb up there to collect them and let me tell ya, I nearly needed a stick of butter to get myself out. I think of things like this and am still amazed that she never ended up on Ebay or anything.

After these situations and many more that I don't want to talk about, this next scenario causes some confusion in my head and makes me laugh every time I think about it! Mind you, just because I have gotten her to wear clothes in public does not mean that she is always dressed. She still comes home from wherever and immediately gets down to her underwear. Me forcing the issue causes anguish the likes of which I cannot take. Baby steps. Baby steps. Deep breaths. Meditation.

Anyway, not too long ago I was in a hurry to go somewhere and I was throwing clothes at the kids to put on so we could leave. I was helping Syd because she was being sluggish, and she kept crying about the sun dress I put on her!

Me: "What is wrong with you?"

Syd: "I don't like this dress!" *wailing*

Me: "What the freak is wrong with it?!"

Syd: "I just don't like it!!" *foot stomp, wail*

Me: "What, for the LOVE OF GOD is wrong with it?!"

Syd: "It shows my nickels!"

Me: ???????????

I had nothing to say to that. This child, this child that wanders in her underwear all day, and has a history of doing so in front of people, was concerned that her nickels (nipples) were showing? Seriously? After I shut my mouth that was open to the perfect fly catching position, and popped my eyes back into my head, I simply found her another dress. Crisis averted, nickels covered. Strong drink needed.

Critters- Part Deux

2008-10-16T22:42:00.000-07:00

It has been a long time since I've had a few moments to myself to update this blog of mine. Between my loving children and the other irritants in my life, I find that I don't have as much time as I would like. What possible other irritants could I be speaking of? Well, several in fact, but one in particular nickels and dimes my days, grosses me out, and causes a plethora of swear words to pass by my lips. Ants. Little, tiny, nasty ants. Don't get me wrong, because I do thank the heavens for the absence of venomous, possibly deadly creatures, but I find myself with my patience running thin on these little bastards.

I have tried several things to rid myself of the plague of ants that would consume my kitchen if given the chance. Right off the bat I bought ant traps, and they laughed in the face of them!! So then I went out and sprayed poison along the edges of the house and laughed diabolically at my cleverness. Mwahahahaha!! Apparently I missed a spot or two, or they are immune to my petty poisons because it barely slowed them down. And ants, ants don't march one by one. They march by the hundreds! Bastards. At a loss, I have since been employing preventative measures. What wouldn't fit in the fridge is now sealed in the million Tupperware containers I purchased to thwart the little demons. Also, I spray them with my all purpose spray every chance I get, which is alot because by the time I clean up their corpses, there are more invaders. Die already!!!

I have employed a tactic occasionally that makes me really wonder about the nature of these creatures. Several times I have left the dead bodies where they were to serve as a warning to the next wave of attacks in the hopes that they would panic and turn around seeking to save themselves. This did not work. First I thought it must be because they are small, making their brains even smaller, meaning they're stupid. This makes sense to me, but then I started wondering as I watched them pick their way slowly around the bodies of their fallen. What if they are more like King Leonidas and his brave 300? What if they feel that they need to take a stand even in the face of their own destruction? I can just hear the queen ant pitching the glory speech to the millions crowded somewhere around my house; "Ants never retreat! Ants never surrender! The world will know that free ants stood against a tyrant. Ants, prepare for glory!" What if? Am I the bad guy in all this? Live and let live? This may be so, but I've come to the conclusion that I'm ok with my role as judge, jury and executioner, and if I have to face the music for this in the ever after, well, then that's what I will have to do. I have some corpses to go clean up now...

Doomed to Repeat...

2008-10-06T21:34:00.000-07:00

"Those that fail to learn from history, are doomed to repeat it."

This famous quote by Winston Churchill has seemed appropriate in my mind lately. Not only because of all of the political B.S. that we are inundated with since the election is a mere 29 days away, but for other reasons as well. I breezed through an article recently that discussed some educational establishments who were considering editing or even completely passing over learning about WWII and the effects of the Holocaust. I was floored. Apparently a group of individuals got offended. I'm sure the six million Jews would be offended by this too. At what point do we tell people to sit down and shut up? - I will now step down from my soapbox. I hate a-holes.

Speaking of a-holes and history repeating... I was wandering about Target the other day looking at everything in the store because, well, I have no life, I had no kids with me, and because I was shirking some responsibilities, like oh, unpacking. I should have left before I saw these:

Indigo bio wash.

Do you see
the freakin' buttons on the inside of the ankle???!!!

And these:

Java anybody?

And these!!!

Plum?!

Just when you think that there is hope, beauty, and a sense of justice in this world, you go to Target and find out that they are creating peg legged, acid washed jeans again!!! In frickin' funky colors! Am I wrong in thinking that they should have stayed in the past where they belonged? That we should have learned from that blip in the history of fashion? In my experience, people that grew up in the 80's only get out their photos from that era in order to get laughs from their friends, not to help come up with ideas to bolster the modern wardrobe! Does anyone out there remember how big our asses looked with pegged pants? Oh, woe is me! That was back before my ass was even as big as it is now!! After seeing these, I have decided that no matter how cool they may become, I shall be unfashionable and will swear this very day to never again don the pegged, acid washed nightmares. Target have you lost your ever lovin' mind?

Creatures Great and Small

2008-10-02T21:09:00.000-07:00

God may love all creatures great and small, but I. Do. Not. That may be one of the reasons I have some odds of going to hell for, but there are just some opinions that I will not waver on. I can honestly say at this point that there are some creatures that I would be perfectly happy if they did not exist. Now I know that there are plenty of really smart people that could come up with some really smart opinions about the ramifications of exterminating links in the circle of life and all that, but you know what? I don't care. I don't. I won't apologize either.

We have been in Arizona now for over two years and haven't had any problems with critters. That is until we moved to beautiful Sierra Vista. It seems crazy to me that a place that has such moderate year round temperatures, and breathtaking views should be infested with pesky and sometimes deadly creatures. It's the dark underbelly of the region. We found out quick, fast, and in a hurry why you shouldn't go out in nature here without titanium boots that go up to your hips.

Who would think that these mountains harbor death? Me. Yes, I do.

I'll start discussing the pests that I have had issues with in order from smallest to biggest. These little bastages are the current bane of my existence. When we moved in this place they warned us that the only critters we would have to worry about would be some ants. Ok, so I'm better with them than the other things I've experienced since we've moved here, but I still cannot figure out how I can kill thousands and then find thousands more next time I turn around! They are more annoying than anything, but so is PMS, and who doesn't want that to be exterminated?

So this picture was taken with our own camera. These are probably up there with the least harmful critters if you don't mess with them, but hello!!! Giant spiders??? *full body shiver*

This creature? This one right here? Yeah. This one can go straight to hell in my opinion. This one caused me to have a helluva bad day. The day had started out innocuous enough, with me doing laundry in my flannel boxers and a tank top all day. Just as I was hanging up the last of the ironing and thinking about a hot shower I decided to bend down and straighten the shoes in the closet. I was being a bit of a freak, but normally that would be a good thing! Anyway, I stepped down only to find myself hopping around yelling S.O.B (!!!! -in the expanded form) over and over. I leaned over to see what the heck I stepped on and saw this little bastage run into my closet. Then I didn't know what to do so I called the neighbor guy.

Me- "Hi! I was just wondering what people do when they get stung by scorpions?"

Him- "Were you stung by a scorpion?"

Me- "YES!"

Him- "Did you kill it?"

Me- "NO! It ran into the damn closet!"

Him- "I'm coming over."

To make an annoying story short, he noticed I was a bit shakey and neither of us had gotten through when calling Jack, so next thing I knew, I had six firefighters in my living room (still in ghetto clothes mind you) hooking me up to machines and inspecting my TOE! Very bad. Some people said that they had heard that it feels a bit like a bee sting, and I have to say that no it doesn't. Not unless bees have effin' tasers attached to their asses! Yeah. Tasers.

All in all though, I have to say that the multitude of rattlesnakes was the deciding factor about leading an idyllic country life. Not just any rattlesnakes either. The Mojave Rattlesnake happens to be much more deadly than the average. So I have been told. The first night in town there was a baby one at the front door, and it only went downhill from there. One night we heard the guard dog barking a fearsome bark on our front porch and when Jack cracked open the door all we could hear was rattling. Again, the lucky neighbor guy got called and he came over and shot it four times (!!!) and the thing was still alive and madder than ever! He then beat it to death with my broom. It was like three and a half feet long and headed right to my front door. Those were just the ones that we saw. There were several dispatched when we weren't around. And here's what makes me laugh! Apparently there is some law or regulation here that says that you are not supposed to kill the snakes. So if a person came into your house to kill you and you killed them instead it's ok, but let us not kill the poor little snakes? Seriously? If it's me or the snake, that mutha effer is going down!!

So ends the Country Murray's. The city has never felt better! (safer) Bring on the crackheads!

The Oregon Zoo

2008-09-30T23:45:00.000-07:00

So this post dates back from when we were actually in Oregon, like over two months ago. "Better late than never!", has become the theme of my existence for longer than I would like to discuss, but really I have a hard time calling this "late" because we are on MY time people! In my time it's on time because I say so. I'm the boss. Yeah. Fo sho.

Anyhoo... whenever we go to Oregon to visit, we HAVE to make sure that we go to the Oregon Zoo. When we lived there I tried to go a couple times a month, and oftentimes once a week. We love it because it's got such a versatile group of animals. When we went to the Phoenix Zoo for the first time we realized just how good the Oregon Zoo was! I'm not sure if it's because of the sweltering temperatures or what, but after the first couple times we went, the novelty of it all was gone.

We went with Heather, Addy, her brother Steven, two kids he babysat, and her cousin Cindy who is actually from Mesa. We had alot of fun even though the children outnumbered us, and for the record, I didn't lose Sydney once! Those of you that have gone out in public with us can truly appreciate that one!

One of my favorite exhibits there are the Polar Bears. They always give us a good show!

I am not the only one with a strange fascination with goats. Just so you know.

All in all it was a good day despite the fact that one of the Lorakeets gave me a poo shower! Yep! My hair, my shirt, and even my bra was saturated since it ran down the front of me. It doesn't get any better than that eh?

Walmart- A Study of Contrasts

2008-09-25T19:42:00.000-07:00

There are times I wonder that I ever want to go out in public. Not just because of my children and their antics that I have discussed at length in previous posts, but because the world can be so unpredictable and ugly.

Earlier today I wound my way through the obstacle course of death that is the Walmart parking lot on any given day. As I avoided getting my car mangled by yet another auto backing up at mach speed without looking, someone passed me on the right giving me the finger for not doing the apparent posted parking lot speed of 55 mph. As I badgered my daughter to walk faster because we were in the cross walk and the car beside us was creeping forward, hoping to hurry us along, I thought I wanted to hurry him along somewhere too, but instead we just hurried. All of this I did so that I could frequent my favorite movie rental box and spend a mere dollar to entertain myself and the girls on a rare, rainy Arizona afternoon.

As I wandered the crowded aisles with the latest kid movie jostling in my purse, I wanted nothing more than to find some popcorn to go with the movie and to escape the insanity that is Walmart. I was thinking that maybe spending nearly five bucks on a movie rental may be worth it and that maybe the world was more angry than I realized. Was it the economy? Because it was Thursday and not Friday? Maybe they were angry because their dog died, or they were missing a loved one. Regardless, I was thinking that I didn't want any part in it, until I heard a soft voice talking to Punkin who was huddling in the cart pulling the shy card. I smiled and chastised Punkin about needing to be more polite and thought that would be the end of our interaction. Instead, the woman asked me in her soft voice that was laced with a sweet southern accent if I went to church. I said "yes", and "no" and wondered to myself how I felt about that. I meant that yes, I am usually a church goer, but that somehow, somewhere I've fallen away. I just left it at my conflicting response, vowing to bring my guilt about that answer out to play another day. She gave me a flier and as I grabbed it from her and stared into her rich coffee colored gaze that matched her flawless skin, I felt the sweet embrace of her kindness and the light of true love. Not crazy romantic love, but the love that can only come from those that believe in the principals that are above our measly human existence and more elevated than my present mindset. It made me want to attend whatever it was that she offered so that I could look as content as her amid the craziness of a busy Walmart. I could still feel the glow of her enlightenment as I walked off with a promise to try to attend, and I wondered about what an amazing study of contrasts one trip to Walmart could offer.

Satan Invented Ding Dongs

2008-09-20T10:27:00.000-07:00

Anything as good as Ding Dongs has to have been created by the Father of Lies and Deceit. Only he could create something that would be such a great temptation and mean such happiness while creating so many problems in life. Hello, fat ass? Yeah, that's me. Thanks Satan.

In any case, I was lying here in bed thinking that I should get up and make myself a healthy breakfast shake, followed by my pile of vitamins when my dear, sweet child came in with her hand held out. No she was not begging. Worse. In her hand was a round object wrapped in silver foil. One of the basic foods that sends me spiralling upward on the scale. Did I do the righteous thing and drop to my knees and pray for strength? No. I took the dang thing and requested a soda to go with it. Hello Satan, ya wanna hang for a bit?

FYI- I have been behaving of late and lost 8 lbs. in 11 days. I deserve that Ding Dong. Right. That's right. Fo sho.

Love, Love, Love...

2008-09-19T21:17:00.000-07:00

Let me start by promising the few but faithful followers that actually follow my ramblings, that I plan on updating all of the craziness that has been going on these last few months. It has been a busy time for us, full of good and stressful times, but life is that way eh?

As I sit here listening to my new Jason Mraz cd and start to mellow as he croons about love, love, love, I try to embrace the emotion in my heart. Hours ago I was weeping as I ordered my oh so healthy dinner at KFC because someone made me feel small. I wasn't weeping because I believed that I am less than anyone else, but because I was angry that many people feel that it's acceptable to act bigger than others. I'm ok now because I know that I am a person of worth and that nobody can tell me differently. Sometimes I'm just stunned that people aren't able to separate their personal frustrations from their interpersonal relationships, and I let it shock and affect me. I like to think that I am pretty good at giving people the benefit of the doubt. When a clerk at the store is rude, I try to empathize and assume that maybe something really bad happened to them that day. I'm not saying that it's acceptable to be rude to innocents, but sometimes it just happens. I like to hope that all people are intristically good, and that sometimes people get dealt alot of negative situations that color their lives, making them negative people. This is sad, but deep down they are still good right? I have to hope.

One of the things that I think is so important in this world of strife, is that we try above all else to love and respect one another. We don't have to be best friends with everyone, but if we can appreciate our differences, respect them, and wish them well, this world would be so much better off. This is the one thing that I want to pass on to my children above all else. I would rather they treat people appropriately than sit still. As they get older they will naturally settle down and behave in restaurants and such, but it is so much more important that they can be good, respectful, loving and positive human beings.

People can fail us, but only if we call it a failure. We can always pick up, smile and think of it as a lesson and know that not everyone will fail us. And as I look back on this, I realize that the reason I am so unable to understand how people can be so indifferent to others is because I have always been surrounded by people who love and respect me. For that I will always be grateful. Peace out.

Family Picnic 2008

2008-09-03T22:56:00.000-07:00

Nearly two months after the fact, I thought that maybe I should write about the family picnic that we specifically went to Oregon for. I have babbled on previously about our other adventures while we were there, but I have missed a few other notable events that I need to get updated. Procrastinator? Yes. Lazy? Yes. Going crazy with three evil wee people bent on my destruction? Heck yeah! So here are the details (as I know them at least, so assume that something important will be missing):

The annual family picnic is referred to as the "Steele Family Picnic". This is because there are lots of Steele's there, or previously Steele's in some cases. Who are the Steele's? Well, let me tell ya... My great-grandmother Alicia, (sound familiar?) married a man named Donald Steele and they had seven children with my grandmother, Dianne Alicia (still some familiarity with the name) being the oldest. The other six were Linda, Leanne, Donald (Don), Dave, Myrna, and Jan. In any case, between all of them having kids who had kids, who have had kids- there are alot of us! The picnic has been a tradition since before I was born and hopefully will continue for many more years to come. We all get together twice a year and try to remain in contact somewhere in the middle. It is always a good time!

I do have to confess that this year I fell down on the job as far as taking pictures. Not sure why, or how, but I ended up with no pictures of the event that was so important that I would travel 1500 miles for. I suppose that makes me *special* in a helmet wearing sort of way. Anyway, my dear friend Heather bailed me out as always. *hugs*kisses* She took a break from her usual subject which I was grateful for. This is Addy's 2,986,002'nd picture of her life. Heather has a compulsive disorder involving her daughter and the camera.

I kinda can't blame her there, because who could resist this face?

This is me and my Aunt Jan from San Francisco. She is fun and wise and I love her!

And here, well, what was it I was saying about helmet wearing? I wonder if my Uncle Neal thought his would weigh him down in the water?

Aunt Lisa bought the girls new swimsuits for their birthday, so they got to sport them for the first time at the picnic. Syd was in and out of the pool all day, but Mel only got out to eat a few times and spent the other 8 hours or so in the pool. She may like the water a bit...

The highlight for many of us was when it got dark, Neal hooked up Guitar Hero to a projector so that we could play on a screen that was large enough to make a drive-in theater proud. Awesomeness... All in all, a great reason to travel 1500 miles. In a car. With three children. And Jack. Ooooh, and Jack. And three children. In a car. Crap, it was horrible, but worth it.

In Memory of...

2008-09-01T20:23:00.000-07:00

"What up wit' it homie?"

Today has been a dreadful day. After five days of worry and drama, we had to put our baby Smudge to sleep. It was a really hard decision and one we had hoped never to make, especially not yet since he was only two, but one that was necessary.

It all started Wednesday night when he was out playing with the other dogs and we noticed his eye was a little buggery. Thursday morning I took him to the vet at 8:30 am, where I left him to have surgery on his eye. Apparently he had some sort of ulcer on his eye or something and they ended up sewing the cornea back into place because it had come through. Then they sewed the eye shut to allow it to heal. The next day I was gone all day because I had to pick dad up at the airport, so when Jack came home and let him out and saw that he looked like he was blind in the other eye he freaked out. The first clue was when he ran into a cactus. Anyway, he rushed him to the vet which was closing and they directed him to the emergency hospital in Tucson. Smudge spent the weekend there getting drops and such in his other eye until the cornea came through and punctured it, thus destroying any hope that he would be able to live out his life as a one-eyed dog. Since he was in pain and the other eye was still looking like a mess, Jack made the call.

I am devastated to have lost my most favoritest "little bastard", "bane of my existence", and baby boy. I miss you already Smudge.

Public Service

2008-08-23T23:54:00.000-07:00

In the spirit of generosity and good-will toward man, I take my children in public. I know, I know, it's a bit over the top, but I'm just good hearted like that. Recently because of the move, we have been spending many meals at restaurants. A blessed break from cooking, but also a ginormous hassle and headache in other respects. It makes cooking seem like it may not only be a good idea, but a necessary step in maintaining my sanity (as if...). But in the midst of that line of thinking, I have to do a mental slap to remind myself to stay away from such horrible, selfish thinking. It would not be fair to the other folks in the restaurant to deprive them of our family's influence. It is for them that I suffer so. I know, I know, ever the martyr...

This here, this right here, I am sure has prevented many pregnancies. If only I could provide the sound that accompanied this picture, you would understand. I know for a fact that after watching my family in action this day at Chili's alone, made several women rush home to pop their birth control pills, cross themselves, hail Mary, or whatever, in an attempt to banish any inappropriate warm fuzzies associated with having children of their own.

And this crazy kid? Whoo-eee, we don't even want to go there!

The Human Apple Peeler

2008-08-21T21:24:00.000-07:00

Just by reading the title you could probably guess what this odd pile is that I found on my floor. I was sitting in this very same spot, reading blogs on this very same computer when I looked over and saw it. My eyes followed the trail which led to this little fiend.

Apparently she doesn't like the peel. Dang kid.

It's Official!!!

2008-08-17T10:20:00.000-07:00

We now reside in Sierra Vista AZ (or thereabouts) for Jack's new position. Ok, so it's been official for a few weeks, but this is me here, and let's just say that I'm not even done with my Oregon vacation which I will likely be giving you little installments of here and there since I'm so up on the timeliness issue and such.

Anyway, after months of wondering and drama (on my part) it finally happened! We had come out here a couple of times to see about the area and well, we LOVED it! And I have to say that in the couple weeks we have been here, we love it even more! It is amazing that just less than three hours from the Phoenix metropolitan area, that it could be so incredibly different! Not just the weather either, which is it's own discussion, but the feel is totally different. People move at a slower, more relaxed pace, and I haven't even felt an inkling of road rage since we moved here! Phenomenal...

We arrived here on a Tuesday night and our kids started school on Wednesday. It was absolutely nuts trying to figure out a school since we didn't even have a real place to live, but we at least knew the general area we wanted to live in, so we just pretty much closed our eyes and pointed at that point. It's all worked out though, and they love their school! Everyday I walk through the halls I love it a bit more too. All the staff was so jolly that at first that I thought that they must be sprinkling Prozac on their Wheaties, which I thought might be a good idea, but I've come to decide that they actually like what they do and are content with the school and the resources they have. What a great thing! There's no more fighting in the morning to make them go, and they meet me with smiles on their faces when I pick them up! It makes my life inestimably better!

Here they are on their first day of school. We were running late because the school is in the middle of nowhere and somehow, even though my husband has seemingly built in GPS, we managed to get lost. That's why the terrible picture. Also because the sun was in their eyes.

This one is day two and it's a little better except for the retarded photographer that cut off the picture so wonderfully.

Here's Jack's happy new workplace. And let me tell you, he is soooo happy! Life is good here if you're Jack. It's quiet, nice, organized and we haven't gotten any calls at 2 AM, 3 AM, or anytime even. Lovely...

And I would like to take this time to thank my friends for putting up with my anxiety, depression and PMS issues related to this whole mess. It's all worked out and I'd especially like to thank Rochelle and Heather for listening to me on the I'm-crying-because-I'm-a-hormonal-raging-ridiculous-paranoid-stressed-unreasonable-hormonal-hormonal FREAK day. Reasonable things suddenly seemed unreasonable that day and wow, I think I even knew it at the time but couldn't control myself. Not knowing where you'll be living in a week sometimes makes me awful, but I would like to take this time to blame Walgreen's.

Warning!!! Tangent to follow: Ok, so here's my tangent to lay the blame of THAT day on Walgreen's. So I started taking birth control about five months ago, which is a bit redundant since I had that surgically taken care of, but it helps with several other problems that I never had to deal with before, including...PMS. So I'd had several months of trials and the day I left for Oregon I went to pick it up at Walgreen's for the first time and they tried to charge me $58 for it! In my book that's alot of money for something I sorta need, plus I figure it's nice to use that insurance that we pay for. I didn't have time to call the insurance before I left, and therefore had to deal with all the hormonal issues and stress all at once. The next month... the Dr. had called in something she was sure my insurance would cover, and when I went to pick it up they were trying to charge me full price again!! I called the insurance company myself because those schmucks wouldn't, and found out that they would indeed cover it and they promptly called Walgreen's and told them so. At that moment I wanted to strangle those idiots for letting me go through THAT day because they were lazy bastages, plus several other days that were similar but to lesser degrees. Eff off Walgreen's!!! Thank you though to my poor friends that had to listen to my unreasonable sobbing!!! Love ya!

Anyway, here is a lovely picture of the place we're staying at right now. We love it because it's beautiful, comfortable and there are eight fenced acres for the kids to run in. It's awesome...

And here it is from the back. It was post storm, so things were tipped and in disarray. Our place is the little one. They have something like 8700+ sq feet in their place. I think that small is good in my world. With my turds, I'd never be done cleaning with that much room to make messes in! Ugh...

Alternative Discipline

2008-08-14T22:36:00.000-07:00

Child psychologists would likely stroke out if they spent too much time in my home because I think that the occasional spanking is appropriate. I'm not so sure if it's more appropriate for me or for the children, but dang, sometimes it just makes me feel good. Avenged even.

Guilt trips are good too. "Those starving children in Ethiopia would appreciate a meal like that, so you should eat up." Speaking of starving, the boxes of ding-dongs were buy one get one free...

And here, when time outs, guilt, beatings, begging for obedience, and prayers for patience don't work, we have an alternative. Sydney thought of it herself and I can say that I'm liking the concept. Lock them away like the little beasts they are... Just don't call the po-po alright?

The Murray's

2008-08-13T21:11:00.000-07:00

Off and on while we were vacationing in Oregon we would stay with Jack's parents. They live in a quaint little town off of the Columbia River. We were treated with the sounds of large barges as they passed by, and got to let the kids play on the beach.

Jack's brother Shawn with Abby and the kids met us and the grandparents at Papa's Pizza so that we could actually get some visiting in while the kids played in the big play area. It's pretty much tradition since we know for a fact that few of the children would make it out alive if we tried to go to an average sit down restaurant where children are expected to behave. It's just that when we get all of the kids together they go crazy! Wait. That's not one of the kids. Who is that crazy looking guy? Oh crap! Is it? Nah... it couldn't... No way! Crap! It is Jack... I confess... my husband is... well, he's a moron. The proof is in the picture.

Here we go! This one's a little better! Just a little though...

Abby was trying hard to get Punkin to smile for a picture with her. It took us a few tries and some trickery, but here they are!

And here we have all of us in a single picture. I truly think that this is a first.

Wow... Everyone is actually looking at the camera too. God does smile down on us sometimes! :)

Portland Saturday Market

2008-08-13T20:23:00.000-07:00

One of the things that I've missed the most being away from Portland is the Saturday Market, conveniently located on the Max Line (light rail transit) which can be its own adventure. Jack has never been a fan because he says the incense makes him nauseous (pansy). I LOVE the smells, the loud local bands, the various street performers and the eclectic people that all combine to keep Portland the weird and beautiful place that it is.

Speaking of weird, this guy is a Russian street performer that not only put a giant scorpion in his mouth AND closed it, but had two guys from the audience wrap him tightly in chains so that he could show us his grand escape. Apparently he's one of those freaks of nature that can pop their joints in and out of their sockets. He was very cool to watch and kept everyone entertained not only with his little stunts but his funky sense of humor.

Dear cousin Kyle met us downtown looking like he was heading for an Alaskan adventure rather than a crisp Oregon day (note: everyone else appears to be in short sleeves). Sydney got right back into her old habits of torturing him to the best of her abilities. It made me happy.

Here's dad with his reading glasses trying to figure out his camera. He was just your average guy until Syd added Kyle's hat, and he was magically transformed into Gangsta Grandpa. What up wit it brotha?

Syd loves posing for the camera. This makes up for the nearly two years of her life that I have few pictures of her because she would run crying when I brought out the camera. The best part about this picture is that right after, she fell backwards into that lovely fountain thoroughly soaking her unsuspecting little sister in the background. Her shoes made squashing sounds the whole way home.

And that night, well, does Guitar Hero ever get old? Yeah, that would be my husband with the sunglasses on in the house. At night. I could explain that it was because his glasses broke, and that his sunglasses are prescription to help him see what he's doing, but that would make him seem like less of a tard than the picture without that notation would on its own, so I won't say anything.

Deana and Mark

2008-07-26T01:12:00.000-07:00

Our trip to Oregon was full of adventure, and as I recover from the horrifying drive, I figure that I should start documenting it to keep it from all blurring in my mind. The who, the where, the why, and all those little details sometimes get mixed up in my head. I blame my children for that. Just like I blame them for everything I don't like about myself, like my butt, my waistline, boobs, and obviously my ability to be a total scatterbrain. That will probably be somewhere around 894 on their list of things to hash out with their therapists in the future.

Sometime around day, well hmm...maybe three (?) of our trip we made it to Grandma Deana and Grandpa Mark's houseboat to visit.

Mark decided that my children needed to learn how to chop wood with what? Oh, an axe!!! Yep, they were learning the finer art of axe handling, and I'm not sure how the pictures turned out so well since I was busy hyperventilating while I tried to figure out the worst thing that could happen in the situation. I decided that there wasn't a piece of them that I could do without, so it was a short lesson.

Fortunately for us, their retired neighbor lady had an extensive selection of life jackets and loaned some to us so that we could go out on the river on their boat! It was so fun! The weather was perfect and the scenery breathtaking! All the kids got turns driving. The crazy axe instructor taught that lesson too. I was better with this lesson because it didn't involve probable amputation or possible death. Well, that's what I thought anyway, but Punkin is a bit accident prone, so I fretted maybe a bit.
WARNING: Boating sometimes leads to forced picture opportunities. Wait... I see Jack, but what do I not see? Did he actually forget to have one of his middle fingers sticking out somewhere in an attempt to aggravate me (and Heather, should she ever see the photo) and distract from the overall purity and wonderment of the moment? Miracles are everywhere!

Oh! Here we are! Jack in his own true, best form! So much for miracles.

"I am dead sexy baby! Rar!"

The Fourth!

2008-07-06T00:15:00.000-07:00

So after a nightmare drive, we chilled down by the pool and BBQ'd. Lisa was super on her game as usual, and had the stuff for s'mores for the kids. Sydney threw away every one she burned which meant that she threw out every one. Fire = burnt marshmallows. Life lesson for Syd.

Pssst...Hey, Punkin, your marshmallow is on fire!

When it got dark we headed up to the park that's just up the hill from the house to watch fireworks. We got there a bit early so that we could get a decent spot. The pre-show looked more like it should be opening for some UFC match or something. I think that Uncle Neal was wishing that we had stayed in Arizona at this point. He was getting his butt whooped!

Here Punkin was getting in on the action after Syd got him down!

Then there's Mel just hangin' with Aunt Lisa being all sweet and innocent.

It was a great show and the fireworks were awesome!

I think after the heinous drive and all the activities, that the kids were a bit tired! They may also have been glad to see Aunt Elaine!

Travel Is Tiring...

2008-07-05T00:24:00.001-07:00

Well, we survived the heinous road trip that we swear every time that we will NEVER do again. Then we always do it again. I think that may be the very definition of retardation. Anyway, the girls were a little tired. I love this picture and will for sure bring it out later for blackmail purposes.

So Jack's version of how things should go involved me having everything packed and picking him up from work at noon and heading straight for Oregon from there, making record time. His plan also involved me alternating with him in the driver's seat.

Here's what really happened:

3:30- Pick Jack up from work (only 3 1/2 hours late)

12:00 am- I take over for my turn at the wheel.

12:45 am- I have narcolepsy and pull over to rest stop for nap.

2:45 am- Wake up with butt cramp and start driving again.

3:45 am- Can't do it anymore and make Jack drive the rest of the way.

Not exactly how he had planned things, but we made it here alive. He will hold this against me forever I think...

The Girls at Dos Gringos

2008-07-01T22:09:00.000-07:00

I have been neglectful in reporting on my social life. As if... So the one time in the last umpteen or so months that I actually go out with grownups on a Saturday night and have a great time, I can't seem to find the time to represent it on my blog. Maybe it's because I've been so busy chasing the midgets, cleaning up after them, and mopping urine off the floor thanks to my newest fuzzy son. How quickly the glow from a fun night with the girls, and oh, Jack, disappears when faced with the realities of daily life. Yep, it was another girl's night out as usual for us, and of course we had the token guy. It was a great role for Jack since he's used to floundering in a sea of estrogen. We went to pick up Lisa and Danielle who weren't ready yet, and he displayed Herculean patience while waiting and listening to the usual gossip about men, work, which shoes to wear, bras, and the purse switching. I'm so glad that my training has culminated into such a great guy!

We took this picture before we left. That would be me standing between the twin towers Lisa (left) and Danielle (right). Can I mention that I was even wearing heels? Everyone was sober here.

Everyone was not sober here. Can you guess who was drowning out her man problems with a wee bit too much sauce? It couldn't be Lisa, since she always gropes me, so that wouldn't be odd at all. Gail and Danielle were real sober which really is odd. Oh, and me the gropee would never get too sauced. All in all, we had a great time just laughing and catching up! Love the girls!

For the love of my children

2008-06-28T21:39:00.000-07:00

As I've mentioned in previous posts, it's been friggin' hot. I know that this shouldn't come off as a surprise since we, well, live in the friggin' desert and it's known for being friggin' hot in deserts. So yesterday I was feeling claustrophobic and like I've been a bad mom for not taking them out much to do fun things. I mean it's not like they don't get playtime, because we do let them go out and ride their bikes. It's dark, but hey, it's better than heat stroke, so we're cool with being creatures of the night.

One day a few weeks ago Jack took Syd and Punkin out for ice cream and to a really cool park he had discovered on the way to check out some job. He told me that it was shaded, so I figured I could take it for awhile so that the kids could play. Lucky for the kids, there was a splash pad, but I was leaning toward heat stroke. I didn't know there was one, so they went in fully clothed which was fine with them. Syd spent most of her time in the water just content to wander around smiling and singing to herself.

Here is Mel showing off the new gaps in her mouth. She lost two teeth the other night, and she's working on one more. That kid is all about scoring dough from the tooth fairy. She's trying to figure out why sometimes she gets more money than others. I tried to explain to her that the tooth fairy may have had to spread her cash out for more kids on particular nights, and that maybe the last time she had a slow night. I am a bullsh*t peddler.

I think that I've come to terms with the idea that my children are odd, but I'm still not sure where they get it, so if anyone has any ideas...

P.S. Punkin was with us but she was in an anti-camera mood and I didn't want to bring on a fit. I'm outta ding dongs, so I need to keep the peace.

Run Cow, Run!

2008-06-26T20:29:00.000-07:00

So my equine education has moved on to roping. I've been there and done that with my gymkhana observations, (yes, I know what it means now for real! *see cowgirl post from like May*) so now I'm moving on in my attempts to learn all I can about horses and the stuff that people do with them. I have to say that roping looks the coolest, though I don't see myself moving into it myself ever since I'll be lucky to keep my seat period, let alone work a lasso while chasing a cow at breakneck speed. After I heard that some of the guys that were practicing the other night had won pots that totalled over twenty thousand, I'm thinking that I need to prod Jack into being a roper or something. He seems like he could be the cow chasing sort.

Here is Roy. Doesn't he look like a real cowboy? He's a really cool guy that owns the ranch that my friend Stacey boards her horses at, and he's been trying to teach me a thing or two about riding horses. The man has a long haul in front of him.

Here is Roy dealing with a horse that doesn't want to do what Roy says. Check out the look of determination on his face as he makes the horse back up and obey. Check out the look on the horse's face. You can almost hear him saying, "Fine man! Whatever you say! Just cut me some slack!" I and the horse that I ride have identical expressions, only the horse has the confident look and I am the one pleading. Therein lies my problems. That's why I have Roy teaching me stuff, cuz I don't want to die.

So what they do is back their horses into these little u-shaped areas where they wait at the ready for the cows in the waiting chute to be set free. Here is a cow that was waiting for its turn.

_-^-__-^-_ "Nobody knows the trouble I've seen..."_-^-__-^-_

Then the gate is lifted and cow and horses jet off. Next thing you know, the person called the "header" has, well the head, and the person called the "heeler" has well, the feet and the cow is spread-eagled and I'm guessing, not real happy. Here's the deal though, I was most impressed with how when the cow shook off the ropes that it just wandered right back to its pen. Trained cows. Never woulda thought. It's a wild world man!

Are you lookin' at me???

2008-06-25T00:07:00.000-07:00

The more I'm around horses, the more aware I have become about the variances in personality traits. My friend Stacey's horses run the gamut from the diva, to the grouchy old military man, to the petite guy that's always the sweet friend but won't see no action. The diva, Dancer, with her baby Sundae were put to play together in the round pen for some exercise. I felt her joy as she ran around enjoying her freedom out of her usual digs. Only I got a babysitter and she didn't.

FREEDOM!!! (yelled in Mel Gibson from Braveheart voice)

Here's the deal though; Dancer maybe would be addressed more appropriately as Princess because she's all about getting constant love and devotion from all, but do you see her looking at me all paranoid like? You know she knows she's hot just by the way she runs/prances, so what's with the camera shy attitude?

Here she's warming up to the camera and audience of onlookers. Showoff. But it's ok, because she is gorgeous. And the baby is cute too of course.

Here's a smiling horse and his ass! (sorry dear, had to say it!)

And finally, this guy has the right idea! Don't worry, be happy!

Missing Woman

2008-06-23T20:30:00.000-07:00

There once was a woman named Rochelle. She had to give a talk one Sunday morning, and was never heard from again.... :)

Happy Birthday Elaine!

2008-06-23T16:41:00.000-07:00

It's birthday time again! Jeez Louise, it's been busy with these lately!! Elaine is my sister in law and it is her 26th birthday today. I can still tell you the number because she's still young enough that she isn't ashamed of it. I'm not sure at what point we need to start lying about our age, but I'm for sure it'll be me that has to start since I am the eldest. Of course Elaine and I do not have the same ridiculous obsession with aging that my brother Jon has, so maybe he'll be the one to start lying first. I'm gonna wager that he'll hit it real soon, and I bet he'll stay 29 for a looong time.

Anyway, I tend to digress, but then you all know that. I have known Elaine for eleven years now, and I am so grateful for her. She is the ying to Jon's yang, or vice versa, or whatever. Her calmness and common sense do us all some good! I do have to tell about a moment in history with Elaine though. She got permission to drive with Jack, Jon and I to Arizona when we moved here the first time about ten years ago. Jack and Jon were in the moving truck and Elaine and I followed in the car with my dog Cody, and my two cats. One of my cats sat on the back tray behind the seats and every other second he would meow really loud. We amused ourselves by throwing M&M's at him. Unfortunately we were headed for the desert and it was a bit hot, and I had melty chocolate stains all over my upholstery. It sucked a bit. At one point in California, she took over driving and as we were driving down the freeway on ramp she says, "I've never actually driven on the freeway before." That was the dang funniest thing she could have ever said at that moment! She did fine though, and we had a good drive. Not so good for the boys though since Jack isn't the best traveller. Honestly, he's the biggest pain in the rear, maniac I know, so they decided that the only way they could survive it was to smoke as many cigarettes as possible. Every time we stopped for food or gas they would open the doors and it looked like someone had just opened the door to a steam room. I'm surprised they didn't have lung cancer by the time we got there since they crammed years of smoking into a 24 hour drive. Aaah memories...

Elaine is truly one of the sweetest, most loving people I know and I am so happy that she is a part of our family. I also think my kids kind of like her better than me. Probably because she's not the one yelling at them to leave her alone while she's trying to blog, for crimeny sake! We love you and miss you Elaine! See you soon!

Some days...

2008-06-20T12:18:00.000-07:00

The Adam Sandler movie "Click" sometimes makes me a bit wistful. For those that don't know the story line, it goes like this: A man is given a tv remote of sorts that allows him to fast forward, rewind, and pause his life. At first it's all fun and games because he realizes that it allows him the ability to play a few pranks and such, but in the end the moral is that it's always better to live through the good and the bad. Blah. Blah. I don't ask for much, but days like today I think that a pause so I can breathe and count to like three hundred instead of ten, so that I can act appropriately instead of going ape "poopy" would be a good thing for everybody. Or to fast forward to bed time would be even better! This wouldn't need to happen very often. Just on days like today. Days when Punkin won't stop crying over EVERYTHING. She woke up moody, (PMS anyone?) and nothing is making her happy. I knew right off the bat that things were going to be ugly, and have been continuously digging in my bag of tricks to try and break her out of it. I started with chocolate and a back rub with a good movie, and then went to a hot bath, beauty rituals, with cute hair and a pretty dress. When that didn't work, I broke out the cute little flip flops that I bought her yesterday to see if new shoes would work. It worked out great until she saw me taking a picture of her cutting them apart on the upside down stool. So I'm giving up on her mood, and thinking that I need to go get something yummy to eat for myself, more chocolate, headphones, and a good book. It may help to salvage what's left of the fragile grip on my sanity, and keep me from saying something that my children will hold against me years from now in a therapy session. Later, I will blame them for my large butt in a Weight Watchers meeting or something, so the blame will come back around. It's the circle of life I suppose. Now, if I could only fast forward past the trip it will take to get all of those things from the store, it would be really sweet, but alas...

Oh how pathetic! I don't know that I've ever cried while holding new shoes. Life is tough for wee Punkin. Seriously...

Fun With Erasers

2008-06-18T22:47:00.000-07:00

I have to confess that I have a weakness for office products. I like fresh notebooks, new pencils sharpened to a fine point, and all the little officey gadgets like tape dispensers, staplers, three hole punches, etc. So when late August, early September rolls around I tend to buy into the back-to-school buzz and want to collect all of those joyful new office products. But here's where I have to practice restraint! The last couple of years I've waited 2-3 weeks to really stock up, so that I can go to Target and get their 75% off sales! I got boxes of crayolas for $.08, and decorative folders for their homework for $.11!!! I was in heaven! I had so much crap that I had to donate some to their classrooms, but who could pass up such deals? So throughout the school year, the kids were pretty much set for supplies (to say the least) but a couple of weeks before school was out, we were at the store and Melanie was complaining that she was out of the little erasers that you put on top of the pencils. Not necessary since most pencils have erasers, but you can never have enough, eh? Fine, they were cheap, and well, I liked them as a kid too, so they came home with us. I never really thought about them again, because hey, I did my duty. I bought them. End of story.

I forget sometimes, how creative my children are. I mean, I know that they are really good artistically and that they play imagination sort of games with their toys, but sometimes they even amaze me!

Who would have thought that erasers could be so fun? They were in the back of the truck chattering and giggling and such, and we were just so grateful they were happy, that we never turned around to see what they were up to. Imagine our surprise when we finally did turn around, to see this!

And then later we saw this! The adventure went on for days after the erasers were removed for Melanie, because she left them on too long and they left little round circular hickeys on her face in that lovely pattern. We didn't go out much. Let's just say that though it was entertaining, those erasers will never be seen or heard from again....

Punkin Doodles! (a.k.a. Alicia)

2008-06-17T11:40:00.000-07:00

It's Punkin's birthday today! It's hard to believe on one hand that she's already three, but on the other hand I can't imagine life before her. Though she is a handful by most people's standards, she brings such entertainment to our lives, that it's totally worth all the aggravation! Her latest frustrations have been that she's not as big as she thinks she should be. For the life of her she can't figure out why she can't keep up with her sisters and do everything that they do. Last night for example, was glorious for her because we went outside so that she could go play, (we wait until dark because it's so friggin' hot) and she was so happy to be on her little big wheel riding after all the big kids up and down the street. Of course, she's not afraid to pull the baby card when it suits her needs either! For her birthday she wants only to go to the store to get chips, but I think that we'll go swimming at Josie's too. She loves the pool! (plus, it's friggin' hot)

DNA Discrepancy

2008-06-16T11:48:00.000-07:00

I have decided that the cute little furball that we have acquired, Wyatt, is not just the Australian Shepherd/Border Collie mix that we were told. I have decided that he is also somehow, some way, part Piranha. The holes in the very finger in question confirm my story. Sorry for the poor picture quality, but it's hard to snap a shot while your other hand is being chewed on by a Piranha/dog. Try it sometime and you'll see what I mean.

Ode to Dads...

2008-06-15T20:58:00.000-07:00

Tis Father's Day and I just wanted to take a moment to talk about the men in my life that have made the biggest impact. I suppose I should start with my husband, but I often don't do what I'm supposed to, so I'll start with Dad.

My dad has been an amazing example to me of selflessness and determination, not to mention some of the more unsightly traits like being anal retentive, and having what most think of as a sort of sick and twisted sense of humor. Because of him I can't seem to be able to force myself to put a dish in the dishwasher that is less than spotlessly clean already. I've tried to put them in dirty but then the twitching becomes unbearable and I have to get them out and scrub them. Thanks dad, for that! This man is not my biological father, but though he did not physically create me, he has had a huge hand in creating the person that I have become. (Sorry dad, I have to blame someone) He was the one I took shopping with me when I needed school clothes, prom dresses and even my first bikini. (that one nearly killed him! And yes, I used to be able to wear one!) He has always taken care of me and treated me as his own and has extended his love to my children. I am and will always be grateful to have had him in my life. Thanks dad, for everything! We love you!

Jack has grown into such a great husband and father and I am so grateful for his unconditional love for me and the kids. I am also grateful now for his sometimes surly attitude because it keeps me laughing! He is such a hard guy for me to take seriously now that I am forever finding ways to aggravate him for my own amusement. I really need to get some hobbies... Here is a picture of him doing dishes. I had to put this in here for posterity. (please ignore the horrible looking chick in the picture; she'd had a long day) I'm not saying that he won't clean because he does it plenty, but his worst chore is the dishes. Oftentimes, I'll come home and the floors, the counters and everything in sight will be sparkly clean, but he'll have stacked every dirty dish that he found in the sink so high that you can't even get to the faucet. So this picture of him doing dishes makes me smile, that is until I look a little left. Then I want to cry. But alas, I'll sacrifice my own dignity by putting it up just so you can all see Jack doing his good deed. I love you, Murray!

Jon's Birthday! Hooorraay!

2008-06-11T15:54:00.000-07:00

Jon is probably shaking his head at that title which is why I did it. See, he has issues with birthdays. Mom was just like him about that. I was never sure on the big day if I should say anything, because she was not at all happy about the aging process. Jon is turning 28 today. Yes, I said today, which means that I am all caught up! Yay for me! Woo hoo! Holla! Anyway, about Jon- He's just under four years younger than me which for those of you that don't know the stories, means that he got tormented by me as a child. Yep, sweet little 'ol me picked on an adorable little boy! He done me wrong right off the bat though. He was born with a penis! ( I said penis! *giggle, snort*) I was totally devastated! I was sure that he would be a little sister. Instead, I dressed him up in my dresses until he was like eight or so, and did his makeup and hair to create the perfect sister. I failed. Surgery wasn't an option. Dang! I'm cool with it now since we get along great! Somehow he's found it in his heart to forgive me for my earlier transgressions. Not that he was a little saint or anything. Here he is in his garage with that poor innocent bag he beats the crap out of.

Could you even believe that this guy would be capable of doctoring up fireworks to blow up a mailbox? No? Would you believe that he put them in our mailbox to see if it would work? He was saved that beating by an observant police officer who watched him do it.

This is a great shot of him a couple of years ago with Elaine. It's labeled on my myspace page as "Pimp Daddy Jon". I'm particularly fond of the Top Gun sunglasses. Would you believe that this cool cat would actually tape razorblades to his fingers to impersonate Freddy Kreuger, and go as far to slash the arm of the couch? No? Well he did, and the only smart thing about that particular incident was that he used double sided tape on the inside of the slashes, and covered it with a doily or something. It went undiscovered for months.

I'm really glad now that Jon somehow lived through his childhood, cuz he's one cool bro'!

The Stork Arrived!

2008-06-11T15:36:00.000-07:00

No, I was not secretly pregnant, or will I ever be again because God is not that cruel! We did though, acquire a new baby! We named him Wyatt Earp, though we obviously just call him Wyatt. We just thought the second name would serve as a good addition when we were yelling at him or something. Just like we always throw in the girls' middle name when they're in Big Trouble. He is a sweet little thing, and I haven't gotten a good night sleep since we got him because I have to get up every three hours or so to let him do his business.

So I have a new fuzzy son, and I do so love him! Especially his super bright blue eyes!

Punkin so loves him too! She lub, lub, lubbs him! Lucky Wyatt!

I was trying to get him to pose, but he is resistant to holding still, giving me his annoyed look, and wanting to go back in the house because he thinks he's hot or something. 106 is not hot! Spoiled brat! Geez!

This is him whining at the door trying to get me to release him from his photographic obligations. I love his fur! He looks like a fuzzy cat at this angle. Well, one with a funny head anyway. He will be a great addition to the family even though he was totally unplanned. All we did was go with my friend Stacy to see her new baby horse, and next thing we know we have a puppy! They had twelve of the little buggers running around, and they were just too cute. They would have let us take them all if we had been that stupid, but fortunately we're just a little stupid.

Grampy- John Hefty

2008-06-11T15:13:00.000-07:00

Here's my grandpa, "Grampy", with my dear Aunt Lindee showing her best side! Grampy just had his birthday on June 5th, and he's been gone for almost two years now. I had always spent alot of time at my grandparents house growing up, and loved their yard which was about an acre that was all landscaped. There were trees to climb, cherries to pick, tetherball, and volleyball. They also had a hammock that I spent many an hour reading in. My grandfather taught me the game of jin rummy. He thought he taught me too well. A couple of times he would say in his disgusted tone, "It's been awhile since anyone beat my as* that bad, you little sh*t!" I loved it! In my younger years my grandpa was the quiet guy putzing around the yard, or sitting in his favorite chair reading his novels while popping peanut m&m's. After my "Nanny" had her stroke, Grampy had to start taking care of everything which meant that he actually had to talk and venture out more. He took a liking to it, and that's when I really got to understand him. It's sad to think that something horrible like her illnesses brought out the best in him, but it did. He took amazing care of her with a depth of love that brings tears to my eyes. It was in these later years of his life that he went from being just my grandpa, to being one of my best friends. I miss hearing about his newest and latest gadgets, sitting on the porch talking, and watching my kids try his patience! I am grateful though, that he got his wish to join Nanny again and that I had the time with him that I did. He was a very cool man, and I miss him!

May Birthdays!

2008-06-11T11:43:00.000-07:00

Wait. May? It's June, right? Well, yes, it is, but that just shows how truly behind I am in my life. Again, my sad tale. So I had decided sometime in April to start documenting birthdays and unfortunately for me, there were alot in May and now in an attempt to keep to my goals, I shall get caught up. By the way, sorry for everyone I missed before mid-April. You gotta start somewhere, and I guess I'll catch ya next year! Anyway....

May 15th

Christopher!!! He is the oldest of good ol' Uncle Scott and Aunt Donna. He's my sweet guy that Mel swore to marry when she grew up. They are second cousins, so it might be legal, but I think the age difference might be a problem. Also, she said that when she was four. I don't think we can hold her to it, since she wasn't of legal age anyway. Chris moved back to Oregon after a stint in Florida with his mom, and is trying his luck with the working world and planning to go back to school. He was always big into baseball, but focuses now on his singing talent. We love you Chris! *He's the young guy by the way, the old one is Uncle Scott. Love ya Scott!!*

May 20th

Sydney!!! My middle child turns 6! I am feeling age-ed. For Syd's birthday we went swimming and had Strawberry Shortcake liberally topped with Redi-Whip and chocolate syrup. It was great! We kept it pretty low key since it was a weeknight and we were having a little party for both girls on Friday night. I had to save up my energy, you see. I'm so grateful for this little girl. When I was pregnant with her I was so worried that I couldn't possibly love another child as much as my first, and within minutes of her birth, I realized that that fear was totally unfounded. Of the three, she is the one that I worry and cry for the most because she feels like the most vulnerable. She has a way of looking at you sometimes with such a purity that it makes your soul ache, and she can be playing in the room by herself with me and be so peaceful to have around. I do, and always will love my Sydney!

May 24th

Where do I start with this day? Well, besides the fact that I was married on this day, my cousin Matthew's birthday is on this day, and my oldest, Melanie was born on this day. Do you know what this means? This means that I haven't celebrated my anniversary for oh, about eight years. I tried really hard to have her the day before by running through the hospital corridors, pushing out of turn, always eyeballing the clock to make sure it was still the 23rd. I was and hour and a few minutes late. Dang! Whateva... Mel is for sure my kid. She is responsible, kind, good with directions, clever, organized, and loving toward her siblings. (yep, that's me! *snicker*snort*) Seriously, there are days that I don't know what I would do without this kid! She helps me without me having to tell her most of the time and just takes care of everyone. This allows me the time to plop in front of this here laptop and write about her, and stuff, without the house burning down because of She Who We Will Talk About in June! ( I just had to tell her to let the puppy out of the closet, you all know who we're talking about here!) Mel is an amazing kid that I am grateful for every day, and I hope she knows how much I appreciate her!

Matthew is Christopher's younger brother. Apparently may of us in the family like to make babies in August. Matt is still in Florida kickin' it with his mom, and I'm hoping I'll get to see him when we go for the family gathering this summer! Last I checked, he was into skateboarding and playing video games. He was one of the kids that was beating all the grownups in the Halo tournaments at Uncle Neal's last year. It's always humbling for Jack to play video games with these kids every year. Just when he thinks he's pretty good after many hours of concentrated practice, they beat his butt without even blinking an eyelid. Happy Birthday Matt! *Matthew is the peace man in the front*

May 31st

Bob Robert/ Uncle Bob

I feel like I should put this under my Tales From the Shortbus heading since Eric is his oldest spawn as well, and well, because we all know where Eric got his crazy ways! I will not sully the family history by laying claim to any of those genes! Aaah, I have many a story about Bob because I spent so much of my life hanging with Lindee at their house. As a child, I had a deep desire to harass and aggravate this man. I guess it's just one of those things that never goes away. One memorable time, I was helping him move their portable dishwasher over to hook up at the sink, and I pushed a little too hard and it ended up going up and over his big toe. I laughed so hard I almost peed! I still laugh hard at that one! I think the hopping around hollering was my favorite part! Then, at mine and Heather's housewarming party for our new apartment, I asked him what time it was. He turned his wrist to check, and here's where the funny part comes in: He was holding his drink in that hand! I laughed hysterically the whole time I mopped it up!

Bob is not known for his fashion, unless you consider that he is very well known for his lack of fashion! Lindee and I bought him new, nice clothes, but he stubbornly stuck with his wardrobe of polyester shorts, ripped jeans, character tees, topped with faded, sometimes torn flannels. Add that to socks with sandals, longer hair, and a crazy beard, and we have a vivid picture of Uncle Bob. With that picture in mind, let me tell you my favorite Bob story. My aunt was in the ICU, and I called to see how she was doing. The nurse that answered said that my aunt's nurse couldn't talk, but that she would forward my call to the waiting room where she said my uncle was. Someone else answered the phone, and I said, "I'm hoping you could tell me if my uncle is sitting around there. He's tall, with longer dark hair, and he... well he... looks kinda... homeless?" I truly meant that in the nicest way possible. Here's the kicker! She responds with, "Yeah, I know that guy! Hold on, let me go get him!" Next thing you know, Uncle Bob is on the phone. The best part about Bob is that he too thought that was pretty dang funny! Happy Birthday Uncle Bob! *This picture is of Bob with the other cousins, Kyle and Adam. Kyle thinks he's sexy.*

As I mentioned earlier, I got stupid/crazy and told the girls they could have a friend party. Since their birthdays are only a few days apart, we did it together which would probably have been totally insane if everyone had shown. Fortunately for me, and unfortunately for them, we did it on the Friday night of Memorial Day weekend, and the rainiest, nastiest weekend in Arizona for some time. The weather ruined my plans of having children playing outside amusing themselves after pizza, followed by cake and a return to their respective families. This required interaction and inside activities that I had wanted nothing to do with. I ended up gluing a million (or more) craft sticks together so that they could paint and decorate them for picture frames, and they also made beaded jewelry. And I face painted. It made them feel cool. It made me tired and wishing that short people knew how to hold still. All in all, we survived it, and I did my duty by my children! We survived the birthday season!!!!

Here's craft time. That's me frowning as I try to paint a masterpiece on a moving object. They all wanted patriotic stuff. Whatever happened to butterflies and ladybugs? Nope, the order of the day was flags.

Presents! I would hazard to guess that these are what prompt these little people into wanting parties. It's all about the gifts! Not my kids though, with them it's the thought that counts... riiight.

And I have to show the party mascot. He had a little hole in the back of his head to assist in hanging him properly, but I'm just not proper.

So ends the longest post in the WORLD!! And an exhausting month....

More Visitors? Why, yes.

2008-06-08T15:00:00.000-07:00

We were lucky enough to have more soggy souls from Oregon come down to visit in an attempt to feel heat and dry out a bit! Heather and baby Adison stayed with us for five days. Again, we didn't go out and do much, mostly because she's been to Arizona enough times, that she doesn't really feel the need to do much sight-seeing. It was all about quality time!

Here's Mel and baby Addy hanging out. Much of their visit was spent with us transferring her from one of my children to the next. They were totally fascinated with her and wanted to love on her. Fortunately, she is such an incredibly mellow, easy baby and tolerated it well. Even Punkin was all about handling her which was cute on one level, but a bit scary since she's not all that big herself.

On the Saturday she was here we all drove up to where Heather's mom, Virginia was staying with her friends and had a bar-b-que, swam, visited, and celebrated the girl's birthdays with them since they wouldn't be here. It was alot of fun!

Do you think Syd had to pee much? Aaaah... here's the Jack we all know and love!

Addy was pretty content to float about. It was the first time she had been in the swimming pool and she was in love! Of course, she is Hawaiian, so it sorta makes sense! She better watch out for the crazy bald man lurking in the background. Weirdos are everywhere!

So, as I write and look back at the pictures that she emailed me, I noticed one thing. There is not a single picture that was of all of us. Not even one of Heather and I. Heather takes pictures of everything. I don't exaggerate either. Of every one shot that people see, there are usually several more for just in case. Geez Heather! Fallin' down on the job! We love you anyway! (slacker)

The In-laws are coming! The In-laws are coming!

2008-06-08T14:01:00.000-07:00

Ok, so they already came. I'm sadly running terribly behind on my life updates. Better late than never eh? That is the sad theme of my life. I seem to always be running behind on something. I try and tell myself that it's better to be running behind on things than to be doing nothing at all. I sleep better thinking like that than thinking that I am a horrible procrastinator (which may be more truthful). Anyway.... Jack's parents drove down to see us for about a week this last month, and it was great to hang out with them. We spent alot of time just hanging out at home. I cooked alot. Jack's dad, Jack does not like to venture far, so I was determined that if he didn't want to go out and explore, that at least he could say he ate well here! (my growing gut doth protest!) The kids really enjoyed having their undivided attention for so long, and were really sad to see them go.

One night we went to Peter Piper's Pizza to see what it was all about and to get Grandpa out of the house for a bit. Here's Mel playing air hockey with him. We won't talk about how bad she beat him. We also won't talk about how bad I beat him! I don't take mercy just because he's age-ed! Annihilation would be an appropriate word! Mwahahahaha!

Here's me and Helen after one of my too fatty, overindulgent meals. That's bloat man, not fat. Really.

This one needs to be framed. Not because it's so family-ish, but if you look at Jack's hand, what do you see? Well you don't see his middle finger all by itself, that's what! That's just not normal!

This one almost scares me. Mel looks like she's all hopped up on goofballs or somethin'. This will be one of those pictured I'll drag out later, when I'm trying to make her feel dumb.

Punkin loves Grandpa!

Grandma was marvelling with Sydney that we have such and incredibly pathetic dog.

We love you and miss you Grandma and Grandpa!

Blogging Hiatus

2008-06-02T23:33:00.000-07:00

In case anyone has noticed- I have been away from the laptop. It was painful at first, I have to admit, but what amazed me the most was how much stinkin' time I had! I find that I spend too much time meandering on the Internet, and not so much time doing important, but horrible tasks like laundry and mopping and such. In any case I'm back and shall do my bestest to get caught up on the busy last month. In the meanwhile here's a picture of the peeps to tide you over until I can get busy telling of the latest fiasco's they've been involved in.

If you've ever asked the question "Does a bear sh*t in the woods?", well you could ask these wise ones. I bet they could conjure up a divine answer for you during their meditative session. That, and other important truths, I'm sure.

Cowgirls They Be!

2008-05-11T23:21:00.000-07:00

On our quest to become horse people, the girls and I attended a Gymkhana event at a ranch not far from my house. What is gymkhana you ask? If you don't have to ask, well, that makes you smarter than me because I had to ask. But I didn't. You know when you think you know, and then the person you're talking to keeps talking and by the time you realize you're really not so sure what they're talking about you feel too dumb to backtrack? It was one of those moments. We won't talk about how many of those moments I have. You don't want to know. I don't want to think about it. Back to gymkhana- it's when you use a horse to run around barrels or poles in various setups to get the best time.

The ranch was amazing! The arena seemed about the size of a football field, and was beautifully maintained. There were several families that came and for the most part it was kids doing the riding. It was the first time that the event was held, but everyone wants to do it on a monthly basis. The whole point of it is to get the kids to get a taste for the sport in a controlled, secure environment. They used two different horses for the kids that were completely sound, and there was always an adult either leading or standing by while they were directed which way to go around the barrels. They did four different trails and the kids had a blast! I'm so grateful to have found a hobby that we can all do and love as a family, and that is healthy and fun for the kids.

There's something beautiful about a kid focused so wholely on a task. I wish I saw this much extreme attention paid to her homework. She was proud of herself for being able to handle "Cash" on her own after a bit.

Every time Sydney got a little freedom she wanted to start going faster, so she had to be kept in check a bit more. Syd has no fear. Not even a healthy paranoia. I have enough for all of us.

I love these quiet moments when they don't know they're being studied. This is a picture of a truly happy, contented little girl.

Punkin even got to ride all the trails and as you can see, she was pretty happy about it! She paid nearly no attention to what was going on because she was solely focused on how excited she was. You could see it bubbling up in her and she had total perma-grin!

All in all, it was a great time, and we can't wait for the next!

The Dog Formerly Known as Smudge

2008-05-09T09:17:00.000-07:00

He hasn't changed his name to a symbol yet, but Sydney has decided that he is now Coleen. The deal is that I told her we couldn't get a girl pug to name Coleen, so she decided to make do with the dog we have. So by name alone, and the lovely pink headband they are trying to make him wear, Smudge is now Colleen, and since anatomically nothing can or will be done, I guess he is also a transvestite. So now I have a three-toed, transvestite bane of my existence. I feel special. Also this picture of him objecting to the transition makes me feel special. Karma, baby!

He may have been unhappy about it here too

And here...

Aaaah, the fruitless struggles of a small dog.

I almost feel bad enough for him to forgive that he licked me after licking Cody's a**! Almost. But not quite.

Tales From the Shortbus

2008-05-08T00:37:00.000-07:00

Thinking about my aunt one day caused my thoughts to drift to her oldest spawn, Eric. My mind lightly touched on various related topics until I remembered an incident that happened to him, and it got me thinking about it in a new light. Sometimes when things happen we think, "How weird!", but then if you really think about it, it may not have been weird. Most things in my life that I come across, I realize that someone, sometime, somewhere in present or past, has likely had the same incident or thought. It's hard to be exclusive and completely unique in this world with all of the billions of people that have come through it. These thoughts were swirling around in my head along with the Eric Incident that had come to my mind, when I realized that he may have done something that was truly unique in this world. That's not to say that it was something that anyone would want to do, have done to them, would even occur to someone to do, or is monumental in its significance, but I'm just saying it was unique. And stupid. And sooo Eric.

So here goes: Once upon a time there was an idiot with some seriously ferocious breath. This may have something to do with his extreme dentist phobia. With Valium, and a few well placed threats his mother and I got him in for a cleaning, and after an hour, lots of crying and drama, they got half of his bottom teeth done. I digress. Anyway... to help him, Lindee bought him lots of gum and Altoids. I truly don't know how people could even deal with those things! Just thinking of them makes my mouth hurt. That kid popped those like candy and it never failed to amaze me. One special day, this very special boy had about six or seven of them held loosely in his hand while he was walking through the halls of his high school on his way to class. He went to pop one of them into his mouth and at the same time someone bumped into him causing all of them to get tossed down his throat where they all got caught. He came home from school because his throat was killing him. Since Lin didn't drive, we ended up seeking medical attention. The diagnosis was that he had managed to burn some sort of hole in his esophagus when they all got stuck. My thought: Who freakin' does this? Seriously? Altoids? I hazard to guess that no other dipsh*t in the world has managed to burn a hole in their esophagus with Altoids. That's why he's extra "special" in my book!

I'd also like to share another tale about this dear, retarded cousin of mine that has become legendary in my family and always brings a laugh. My grandparents reserved a section of their favorite steakhouse for their anniversary, and it was my grandparents, their kids, and us, the younger generation. Eric was in high school and was proudly displaying his manliness through his first pubescent facial hair. You know, that baby fine stuff that you can totally see through because it's just not meant to be full? Anyway, my brother, Jack, my other cousins and I were pitching him crap about the fuzz on his face when he got this supreme look on his face and while twirling his farce of a mustache, says, "It's my Latino look." (he's Italian, and he likely meant Italiano, or something stupid like that) Just then the chatter sort of quieted down as I blurted out loudly with my You Are Soo Ridiculous Look, (many of you know the one) and said, "You want to be a Mexican?" The supreme look was quickly replaced with confusion as the entire room busted up. Classic. He is definitely one of the most "special" people I know, and I could probably fill a book with all the notably stupid things that he has done. What this means is that you may not have heard the last Tale From the Shortbus.
See what I mean?

Lindee Lee

2008-05-07T22:49:00.000-07:00

I had intended to start commemorating the birthday's of my immediate family and friends as I remember them, starting now, and I had intended to do this on Lindee's birthday, April 27. I haven't been able to because of multiple things standing between me and my computer time, but I find it immensely appropriate that I finally have the time, and it happens to also be the day that she left this world.

Some people come into our lives, stay for a bit, go their own way, and pop back in once in awhile. Then there are others. These people are always there, and they always have been. It's these people that when they leave, they take part of your soul with them. These people will still always be around because there's few memories that don't involve them in some way or another. Lindee was one of those people for me. It's been two years now since she passed, and I still feel emptiness and pain when I think that it's real, and that she's truly gone. I think that it's because as my aunt, she was like my second mother and when my mother died long before I was mature enough to understand our fragile existence, or the value of the people closest to us, I poured all the love and regrets of what I should have been to my mom into my relationship with her. I wanted to make sure that I loved enough so that I wouldn't have regrets. That was my first really big life lesson. Love everyone, everyday, as if they won't be around tomorrow. Because they may not be.

Lindee was an amazing person. For most of my life she lived in the same home, so when I think of my life with her, there's alot of stability. I can think of any time of the year and pinpoint some of our rituals. Summer was all about sun tea, Lipton, made in huge glass jars and a quarter cup of sugar. There were long walks in the evenings after bar-b-que. Fall brought beautiful maple leaves to her yard and the decor on her hearth. It was the start of fires in the fireplace to ward off that first bite of winter looming. Fall was also focused on Halloween, one of her favorite holidays. She loved that she had well over a hundred kids come to her door every year. As children, Jon and I went out with Bob for hours while Lin stayed and counted all the trick-or-treaters, and then later it was my kids having the same pleasure. I will never forget the last minute scramble to help her put together the little goodie bags because a simple candy bar wouldn't be good enough. Did I mention how many she had come to the door? Nuts. Christmas was always fun with warm fires and lots of decor. I was for many years her shopping companion, and boy howdy, did she buy for everyone! She loved making sure that everyone she ever had contact with had a gift of some sort. It drove Bob nuts, but it's part of what I loved most about her. She had such a generous spirit. Spring brought forth our eagerness to wear shorts and sandals, get pedicures, buy brightly colored clothes, and shop for flowers for her yard. Oh, and to start harassing Bob to start hacking at the jungle in the back yard. I love that I have so many memories of the cycle of our lives as they wove together.

I think the thing that makes me still feel so out of joint about her being gone is that it was, and still is surprising to me that she is gone. Many people that are sickly seem to have a secret knowledge of their mortality, and you can see that knowledge. Maybe she had it and I didn't want to see it, but I think it's more likely that though she had a whole lot of medical issues, she never let them get her down. She had a fighting spirit and that's what you saw. There was always the bright smile and a chipper "Hi!", even in the dark times, and she made you believe that everything would always be ok. This is why my memories of her are predominately surrounded in light. She was my light. She is my light. She was a great example of true love and pure charity. This is what led to another on my list of important life lessons. Be grateful for every day that you are given, smile through the worst of times, and find joy in simple pleasures.

I am, and will forever be grateful to have had her in my life, for as long as she was. I love you and miss you Lindee Lee.

Stupid is, Stupid does...

2008-04-25T16:56:00.000-07:00

There are days that I think of myself as an intelligent woman, but then there are days like today where I realize that I am just short of retarded. I have ulcers. I know I have them. They were diagnosed after many expensive little tests. I was told to avoid certain foods. I do not. Now, an intelligent person after going to the trouble to find out why they occasionally have agonizing pain in their abdomen, would make choices that would keep this from happening. This is where retarded comes in. Of the top three things they told me to avoid, I eat every one of them every day. Stupid? Yes. Asking for it? Heck, yeah. But how in the world could I abandon my lifeblood (soda), my sanity in times of trouble (chocolate), and my fun (ketchup).

So here I sit today, a total worthless blob after spending half the night curled up in a ball of misery while the other half was spent vomiting. I had hoped it would help ease the agony, but the acid was out to make me pay. I'm still wondering if it was all the oreos, soda, or the chili dog I ate for dinner that pushed me over the top. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid.

S-M-U-D-G-E

2008-04-24T08:49:00.000-07:00

Pathetic has a first name, it's S-M-U-D-G-E... It doesn't roll off the tongue like OSCAR, but it's still been stuck in my head since I saw this little scenario.

Horsey Dreams...

2008-04-23T21:33:00.000-07:00

This is a rare shot of Punkin not only holding still, but actually sleeping during the daylight hours. A rare and unexpected moment of absolute stillness...

Here we have Cowboy Jack sitting on our buddy Herndon. (Sorry the pictures are blurry, but I think the camera was rebelling because it was low on juice) I'm actually taking lessons to try and become a halfway competant rider, and Jack gets on and looks like a natural! My friend Marlie pointed out that they sense fear, and that would probably be why they give me such a hard time. Well I figure if they sense fear, then they must also be able to sense outright TERROR! I'll talk about that in a little bit, but first I'd like to talk about Cowboy Jack. Uncle Neal will appreciate the nickname because he is his favorite "cowboy". Please excuse the blatant "Brokeback Mountain" reference, but Neal and Jack do make a cute couple! Anyway... Jack has been embracing mine and the kids obsession with horses and he even practices "driving like a honkey". A useful skill I'm sure. After getting off of Herndon he was thinking out loud that he wanted to get himself a cowboy hat, and I have a really hard time picturing it, nickname aside. I wear boots, but only because I have fears of getting my feet caught in the stirrups and because there is no tread with which to get horse crap in. Not that I don't think cowboys in a nice hat are hot, I just can't imagine Jack in one. You know, it just doesn't go with his cargo shorts or his red and silver Nike's. Maybe it's just me but...

Back to my terror story. This is a story that happened a long time ago. We won't talk about how long ago, because then I'll start feeling old and get all cranky. It is a story about a girl who was dumb (me), and an adult who was dumber (we'll call her Sally because she sure was silly!).

Once upon a time I went to my friend Rochelle's cabin up in the woods. It was a beautiful fall day and she had this genius idea that we would go catch ourselves a couple of the horses in the pasture and go do some trail riding. I was soo excited! I honestly don't think I had been on a horse at that point since I was a toddler and my mom had put me on her horse with her. Not exactly alot of experience. I distinctly remember walking up the path after Rochelle caught them and put on their harnesses, musing that my horse named Rebel seemed so sweet and mannerly. In fact, I specifically said "Why did they name this horse Rebel? He seems like such a nice horse." Notice I said the word "seems". I think back to that and cringe because I was just sooo stupid. When we got up to the front drive Rochelle just put some bareback pads on them and we were off! Actually, no. WE were not off. Rochelle and her little mare started off down the drive while I sat on my giant horse wondering how to get him to go. I yelled my dilemma to Rochelle to figure out what to do since he didn't respond to "Alright, let's go Rebel". I don't remember what her advice was at this point because it was the beginning of the end of our little outing. Something about my ignorance made Mr. Rebel want to earn his name. Next thing I know, hooves are pawing the air, and his head was thrown back just right so that it could make contact with my facial bones. I don't even know how many times he reared up and beat me in the head but it was long enough to have a mental debate as to whether I should stay on and take the abuse, or to take my chances getting off. I decided that bailing would be the best route. It seemed to work for me as I did not get trampled. After my not so glamorous dismount, he was once again deceptively un-rebellious. As if I still held him in that light anymore. He was a Hell Horse from what I could see out of my blurry vision! So here's the part where Sally comes in. Sally was actually the owner of the horses and had seen the whole thing. She had said nothing to me about the nature of Mr. Rebel before I got on him. After though, she just had to tell me, "I actually don't even ride Rebel. I just didn't want to scare you." I'm sorry, whaa? Scare me? Caution is not usually scary. My wild ride was! I wanted to beat her then, but since I was still seeing two of her it would have been a bit difficult. I was redeemed by Rochelle's sometimes volatile dad though. He came home, saw my face, got the story, and went downstairs and let Sally HAVE IT!

So herein lies my horsey fears that keep on creeping up. I am doing pretty good overcoming them, but that first moment of terror when they actually start moving still creeps up, and then I realize that I know what to do, and I'm all good. I shall conquer the beast!

*Rochelle- I thought it was time to share this story. It was just time. Maybe the one with the rope swing will be next! That is one of our classics!

Bee Troubles

2008-04-20T21:26:00.000-07:00

Over the last few weeks Jack, the kids and I have been watching a bee colony increase in numbers with much concern. Yesterday we decided to do something about it. Jack got some bee spray at the local hardware and when dark fell, he did it. The buzzing was so loud we could hear it in the house and we could see hundreds of bees swarming out of the hive and then dropping to the ground. This morning it looked like total genocide! There was a carpet of bees all around our front door, but we could still hear alot of buzzing. We knew we had to strike again. I warned Jack that they would likely have some sort of strike team waiting by to take him down. He laughed, grabbed the spray and headed for the door. Only he was not wearing anything but his underwear. I told him he should put some clothes on. He nodded and grabbed his shoes... Now I'm not sure, but a man facing an angry hive of bees should be wearing more than a pair of underwear and shoes. I'm not sure if it's stupid, white trash, or a little of both. I do have to be grateful for his bee killing techniques because I got a serious laugh watching him barrel back in through the front door with bees coming after him! Not such a smart man, but definitely entertaining!

Aaaah...

2008-04-20T16:12:00.000-07:00

What once was lost, now is found...

Sad news...

2008-04-20T13:36:00.000-07:00

The Jetta key is gone. In my defense, I had nothing to do with it. Melanie pulled my new key contraption out of my purse yesterday and said, "Mom, you're key is in here where it's supposed to be!" Later, I pulled the keys out and the zipper was open with the key gone! It's not in my purse, and I haven't driven it at all, so totally not my fault! I think that it's just an evil plot. I'm not sure who's orchestrating it, but I shall find out! This just goes to show that no matter what I do to prevent chaos and mayhem in my life, it still finds me. Damn...

My Solution

2008-04-18T11:14:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I found myself at Vicoria's Secret looking for a miracle. I did find one, but much to my disappointment it didn't have straps, cups, and the promise of bounty that I have never before experienced for myself, but rather a more practical miracle. This miracle will likely salvage part of my sanity that has been misplaced, help with timeliness, AND marital relations. If you have read my last post you will agree. Keys are one of the banes of my existence, somewhere on the list between the little dog and Al-Qaeda. So back to the miracle, it's actually a simple contraption that is a little beauty bag that I was able to attach to my key ring. It has a zipper so that I can put my Jetta key in it to keep it safe since it no longer has the hook to keep it on the ring. Also, this beauty bag is big and bright so that it will help me find the keys easier! The only problem with this whole theory, says my husband that knows me so well, is that I just need to remember to put the key in this little bag not the freezer, my pocket or any of the places it's been found lately (oops)! I may have to pray for that miracle! And, I also found a cute purse that happens to match my key holding contraption. Life is good!

Symmetry

2008-04-17T00:30:00.000-07:00

Symmetry is a concept that Syd was learning about in math not too long ago, and while I was laughing/crying in a hysterical manner last night and reflecting on my day I thought of symmetry. It can be a good thing and inspire good feelings because it allows you to know what to expect. What is on one side is the same on the other. This is good and bad, depending on whether you want things to be the same. I thought about this because there was an unerring symmetry to my day yesterday that sadly was nothing in any way, shape, or form what I would desire.

First thing in the morning I was hurrying to get Mel to school on time so that the Tardy Nazi's didn't have anything to grump about. The night before I had driven Jack's old truck because it was easier to get to, and had left the garage door opener in it. I didn't get it out because I couldn't find the keys to the truck. To solve the problem I just backed out and had Melanie push the button and run while jumping over the sensor. As I watched the door shut I realized that I had a significant problem. The set of keys that I couldn't find also had my house key on it and obviously I didn't have the garage door opener. Bad. Bad. Bad. I sat there staring at my closed garage thinking to myself that it figured that I was wearing one of Jack's shirts without even a bra, a jean skirt and some old flip flops with un-brushed teeth. The girls in the back were in their panties. I had been, after all just planning on going through the drive-thru to drop Mel off and heading straight home to a shower and a toothbrush. Naturally I was also supposed to be babysitting a friend's little man. In any case I had to gas up, grab the little guy, and head out to Phoenix to go grab Jack's garage door opener. When I told him about my predicament he didn't even have the good graces to sound surprised or even a little sympathetic. It amused him. Anyway with that all said and done, I thought that maybe I should just stay home and let the rest of the day ride out fine. I didn't and it didn't. I did find my keys. Yes, the mailman brought them to me! Apparently I left them at the mailbox. Seems like a good place, no? Soo... I went to my horse riding lesson fully prepared to get maimed or worse judging by the rest of the day. (there was more, but I don't want to list ALL of the annoying things as I don't have that much time) I did not end up in the ER, but as I was leaving at 9:15, I went to open the truck door, and what did I find? A locked door! Oh yes! I locked the dang keys in the truck! This is where the previously mentioned hysteria kicked in, and I thought it appropriate that my day started out screwed up because I couldn't keep track of my keys, that it should also end up screwed up because of it. Needless to say, I had to get Jack to drive way the heck out to where I was to bring me keys which was something that he found way less amusing than my earlier problem. In truth, I could say that he was downright ANGRY!!

In conclusion, I've decided that I am not always a fan of symmetry. In fact, sometimes, it really sucks!

Weed Update

2008-04-08T00:21:00.000-07:00

In case you care, (as if you were busily fretting about my weeds) we have won the battle! "We are the champions, my friends..." Anyway, just when I thought I was going to have to rent some goats and stake them out in the front yard, they just started to die. Apparently the poison was very slow acting and snuck up on them. Really, I don't care how it worked, I am just so dang grateful it did! Now I can walk through the neighborhood with my head high! I do think that the goat thing would have been fun though! That would be until the HOA caught wind and fined us up the arse! (Ha! Ha! I said arse!) That, would be way no fun. :( But then we could stake goats out in their yard for a surprise! That would be fun! I just think that goats are fun! They like to nibble...

Procrastination Tag

2008-04-07T21:52:00.000-07:00

I was tagged to discuss what I have in common with Procrastination. I have to say that Procrastination and I are bedfellows; the best of friends. I can't remember a time that we haven't been together... Sometimes we get into trouble together, because not everyone understands us. Those are the people that discriminate against my companion, Procrastination. We do get alot done, though maybe not when we should. Therein lies the problem...

I tag Rochelle and Aundrea to discuss their relationship with Procrastination. I promise not to get jealous if you too love him as much as I.

Girl's Night at Danielle's

2008-03-30T23:55:00.001-07:00

Saturday night Danielle, (pink tank) invited me over for a Girl's, Booze, and BBQ Party. Since Jack has been gone so much with work, I REALLY needed a break! Don't be confused by the party theme, and the appearance of Ivan. He's not really a girl. I'm still not sure, and I don't think he is either, how he came to be the lone male invited to girl night, but I think he was grateful! We had a great time chatting, playing Wii bowling, dancing (that's Lisa with Ivan), and Danielle made some awesome food! All in all, a fun night! Girls Rock! (ok, and Ivan too!)

Horses!

2008-03-30T23:21:00.001-07:00

While looking through the Community Directory that came in the mail, I stumbled upon an ad for the local horse rescue. I went to the web site and sent a message saying that I wasn't able to help financially, but that the girl's and I would love to volunteer to help with the cause. Many know of Miss. Sydney's obsession with horses. As a toddler, horse figurines were the only things she was really drawn to and since she didn't communicate about much else, we fostered her obsession. Eventually her interests expanded to include dinosaurs, though not in any way replacing horses. Fortunately, Belinda, the person in charge was cool with us non-horsey folk coming by to learn to help out. It has been a wonderful experience for all of us! She has been patient with teaching the girls and I "Horse Care 101". Mel's favorite part is to hang out with her pal Buttons on the left. He is the stallion and seems to respond well to her. She actually skipped a birthday party she had been looking forward to so that she could hang out there. We have learned about leading the horses, brushing them, and I even learned how to clean their hooves. Usually it's just me, Mel, and Syd because I can't handle Punkin and actually accomplish anything at the same time. Also, because she is accident prone and a wee bit exciteable! Saturday she got to come out with us

since Jack was there to help while we learned to feed them and clean their stalls. Was that fun! Horse poop scooping at the crack of dawn on a Saturday morning would not normally be my first option, but it was pretty cool. I was amazed that I could fill up an entire wheel barrel with poo, only to find out that it was just ONE DAY'S worth!! That is ALOT of poop! Sydney had her own little tiny wheel barrel, and while I was cleaning one of the stalls she yells to me, "Mom! Save some poo for me!" I can honestly say that I NEVER, and I mean NEVER thought that I would hear that particular phrase drop from the lips of any of my children, for any reason. I suppose I should be grateful for her enthusiasm! Mel was all about helping us get the tools ready and handing them to us, but was adamant that in no way was she going to do anything that involved poop. Sydney's enthusiasm made up for her lack. Belinda was impressed with Jack's wrangling skills. That is his Punkin Wrangling skills she was referring to! She managed to survive her first visit there without injury! Miracles make the world go round!

And They Say The Desert Isn't Green!

2008-03-30T23:11:00.000-07:00

Can I just confess that those huge weeds are actually much shorter than the ones on the other side of the driveway! Cripes! This winter was wetter than usual (*snicker*snort) for Arizonan's (big, dry, babies!!), so the weed population has flourished. I took this picture of our family Weed Eradication Party. Jack was happy to partake in the celebration as you can see from his trademark finger. The best part is that we dug up these weeds, and not more than a week later they came back! The next step was poison! Oh yes! Unfortunately, the weeds laughed in the face of the poison, and continue. S.O.B. I guess we will just be furiously digging them up until it gets so dang hot that they will want to die all on their own. Just like the rest of us.

The Many Looks of Sydney

2008-03-30T22:53:00.000-07:00

LOOK! I'M A MOOSE!

NO! I'M A KANGAROO!

MAYBE I JUST LIKE DINOSAURS!

ACTUALLY, I JUST NEED A TAN.

I have to say that of all of my children, Sydney is the one that we are just never sure what we're going to get. We have learned to think of this in a positive light. The alternative involves sedatives and counseling. (for us, of course) The one thing, and the ONLY thing that we can count on for sure with Syd, is that the first chance she gets when she walks through the door, she will take her clothes off except for her panties. I am grateful that home is the only place she does this now, since as a toddler she wanted to strip everywhere. At friend's houses, McDonalds, and even the men's room at Chuck E. Cheese. It has not always been convenient, but at least people can say now that they have seen her with clothes on. I can only hope that the progress we've made to get her to keep her clothes on will continue so that she doesn't find herself working in the only profession where this could be acceptable. In His name we pray...

Just a note- These pictures have been taken over the course of the last year, and somehow she has generated all of these looks with no outside provocation. I'm still not sure how she got my pasta utensils tied to her head, and really, I'm fine with not knowing. And the kangaroo thing happened just the other day. I asked her to get Bambi out of her freakin' panties and she says, "I can't! I'm a kangaroo!" Makes perfect sense. A kangaroo with a fawn. All righty then!

Note--

2008-03-24T00:25:00.000-07:00

Just a little note for Jack- He has lost thirty pounds since I took that dreadful picture of him and just used it for the resembling things. It was the only one I had that was not a profile or something, and you can bet that I'll be in a wee bit of trouble for using a not so complimentary shot!!! It's the price we pay... Also, I was surprised about the equality. I had always thought that Mel and Syd looked more like him and that Alicia looks like a combination of my two brothers. Maybe I'm just a crackhead....

Murray Look-alike Meter

2008-03-23T22:51:00.001-07:00

MyHeritage: Look-alike Meter - Family roots - Pedigree

Murray Look-alike Meter

2008-03-23T22:45:00.001-07:00

MyHeritage: Family trees - Genealogy - Celebs - Collage - Morph

Murray Look-alike Meter

2008-03-23T22:37:00.001-07:00

MyHeritage: Look-alike Meter - Dynasty - Geneology software

Bobbing For Turds

2008-03-02T21:44:00.000-08:00

The Bane Of My Existence has struck again. I type this story while reflecting on my life and wondering why the Lord thinks that he needs to continue giving me situations that will develop a sense of humor. It's fortunate that He's given me so much already so that the story I'm about to tell did not result in the slaughter of a small dog.

Once upon a time there was a small dog that wanted to die. He couldn't articulate his suicide mission, so I can only guess by his actions, his desires for a quick death. At this computer I was sitting while the two big kids were playing out front and the little one slept. All had been peaceful except for a quick in and out bathroom stop for Sydney. A while later it was from this same bathroom that came some disturbing noise. I was drug from my focused concentration by the snorting (if you've ever had close contact with a pug you can imagine the snuffling/snorting noises), splashing noises from the bathroom. I realized that it was Smudge and it sounded like he was trying to scuba dive in the toilet or something. I yelled for him and when he did not appear and the noises seemed more intense, I thought to go see what he was doing. I WISH THAT I NEVER KNEW. As I was coming around my desk, he came out in the hallway with what he thought was his prize! He dropped a huge turd that on the floor and then looked up at me with his little face that was covered with pieces of toilet paper and well, poop water. I don't think that I could have gotten him out of the house any faster, nor said any more swear words associated with "poop" (my nice term:) !) or little dogs (again, my nice term!). Adding insult to injury, while picking up the turd with half a roll of toilet paper, and my shirt covering my nose, I managed to smack my head on the door frame which made me see stars. I suppose it was better than seeing poop which was my current reality, but it smarted quite a bit. By the time Jack walked in the door, I had cleaned up the bathroom that had sewer water everywhere, and had a serious discussion with Sydney about the merits of flushing the toilet and putting down the lid after pooping. (I even used the nice word) Seriously, Lord, a turd eating dog? Ha. Ha.

The Dancing Princess

2008-02-29T08:36:00.000-08:00

I'm having a bit of a hard time with how grown up she looks in this picture! Punkin is at that age where every day she learns like five new things and by the end of the week she seems so much more grown up! Many of you heard about one of her milestones last week. Her first curse word. I need to record it here for posterity. It had to happen sometime. She is, after all, mine and Jack's child. Here was the situation. Melanie needed a prescription and the pharmacy wasn't open yet, so we decided to go get something to drink at Sonic. All of the intersections here allow you to turn on any green, even if it is not an arrow specifically. I had the misfortune of being behind someone who either didn't know that, or simply was not paying attention. It's not that I was being unreasonable and expecting him to take his life into his hands by playing chicken with oncoming traffic. There was NO ONE coming. I mean, I could hear crickets chirping. Needless to say, I got a wee bit impatient and said "Go asshole!", followed by a quick beep of the horn. Then I forgot about it until... we were in line at Sonic and there was a car in front of us ordering. Of course we had all of our windows down because it was warm, and from the back seat she screams (not the conversational voice I used, but much, much louder) "Go! Go! Go Addhole!" It was so loud and unexpected that I couldn't help but laugh! Seriously! It couldn't be some random, out of context moment for one of my children! I so hope they didn't hear that!

One of the funny things about her is that she actually behaves better (most often) if she has her hair done cute, and her clothes in order. I think she just likes that coddled, put together feeling. I get it because I do too. The unfortunate part is that after I get all three girls ready with cute hair, that I have no time for mine! I do look forward to the day when they can do their own. In this picture she was dancing to one of her Barbie movies, feeling pretty because I just did her hair and she had picked out her Dora Ballerina pajamas. She looks so precious here, you would never think she could ever utter a dirty word! These are the moments I need to focus on... not the other more evil ones...

Birthday Boy!

2008-02-18T16:22:00.000-08:00

Well, Jack made it home, and with him came Guitar Hero III. His mom bought it for him for his birthday, and little did I know the trouble it would bring... It started out simple enough, but after I played a song, it just wasn't enough. I had to play it again because I knew I could do better. And then again, and again, and again! It is not a good game if you are OCD, even a little! It is totally addicting, and I am less than happy about it! Jack and I haven't talked about it, but we both know that it shouldn't be brought out unless we have LOTS of time to play. Otherwise, we just walk by and ignore that tempting little guitar that waits for us. It wants to just suck us in to its world of streaming colored notes, loud music, an half naked ugly people! As if we had so much time to spare...

So to honor Jack's birthday, I decided that I should come up with a list of things that I love and am grateful for about Jack. Snicker all you want peoples, but it should be pretty easy.

1. Hmmm...

2. I'm sure there's something...

3. Think, think, think...

4. I got it!

5. No...

6. Well, maybe...

7. No...

Ok, now I'm being the ornery one! Here's a real one!

1. The fact that he's going to laugh at the first list.

2. That he doesn't mind my "hot celebrity" list.

3. That he really misses me when I'm not with him.

4. That he can tell me how to get everywhere I need to go and only makes a little fun of me I'm hopelessly lost!

5. That he can admit to his friends that I'm the boss!

6. That he dances like a super freak!

7. That he has to shower even if he's just going to the gym.

8. That he remembers to find and plug in my phone every day.

9. That he loves having girls.

10. That he can't play Guitar Hero with his tongue in his mouth!

11. That he loves my family as much as his own.

12. That he makes fun of my smut collection and still helps me move the shelves around and organize them.

13. That he doesn't get mad anymore when I lose the key(s).

14. That he can put anything together like ten times faster than I could, though he spends much time cursing IKEA and all that it stands for. He could be their poster boy!

15. That when I say to turn left, he knows that I probably meant right.

16. That he totally talks in his sleep. Not of course, the times he goes nuts, but the other, more funny times. Like when he thought I was a giant spider and screamed like a girl while swatting at me!

17. That he can't seem to pose, or let others pose without his middle finger slipping into the picture somewhere! See birthday shot. Sorry Heather! I do think it's sorta funny!

18. That he's man enough to admit that he can remember useless sports facts and that he forgets to take out the trash on purpose!

19. That he would jump anyone that hurt my feelings. Not that I would ask him to, but having a ready weapon never hurts!

20. That he tells me that he can't think of anyone he would want to hook up with if he had a "get out of marriage free" card because I'm the hottest. Dishonest, but I'm ok with the lies!

I think 20 is good for now. I don't want him to get a big head or anything because then he would be totally impossible to live with instead of just the usual difficult behavior! Anyway, Happy Birthday Murray!

While Daddy is Away the Girls will Play!

2008-02-16T14:30:00.000-08:00

I figured that since Jack is gone for the weekend that the girls and I would spend our time doing things that he is not always enthusiastic about. Last night we watched three movies that he would have hated because not only were they chick flicks, but they were young people chick flicks, starting with "The Adventures in Horseland", "Bratz" (not like the sleazy dolls, sort of like HSM), and then "Stardust", which was a fantasy movie involving witches, other worlds, and true love. I'm sure that anyone that knows Jack would appreciate that I wouldn't want to watch any of these with him! Anyway, this morning we went and saw the early bird showing of "Alvin and the Chipmunks", which was alot of fun! I used to love those guys as a kid, and would watch the cartoon every Saturday morning, and of course sung their Christmas songs every year just to annoy my parents. We had the Christmas record if that makes me feel old! So after the movie we went to the learning store a few doors down and did their weekly free craft. They all made little treasure chests to hold their teeth for the tooth fairy. Since Punkin hasn't had hers all that long, we probably won't need it for awhile, but she had a great time making it!

Not having to work this weekend has been a wonderful opportunity to really focus on the kids. It seems that lately with all I have going on between work, school, trying to work out, and making attempts at cleaning, I only give them about half of my attention. I'm trying to use this time wisely to play with them but to also get caught up on things enough so that I can be more plugged into their lives every day. It's just so easy to get caught up in the world and outside distractions, and lose track of the time needed to do the above and beyond that is required as a parent. Many of the things that I do, especially school and exercise, I do to show them by example that college is important, as is health, so that they can grow up to value these things as well and possibly not be doing things the hard way like I do. Example: losing weight when you're already fat is harder, as is going to school later in life. I just need to be able to do things like this while not ignoring the little things that also matter, like watching silly movies or painting nails.

Valentine's Day 2008

2008-02-14T15:03:00.000-08:00

So today is Valentine's Day and I am spending it just me and the girls because it is also my mother-in-law's birthday. Jack and I decided that it would be a cool surprise for his parents to have him just show up on their doorstep in time for her birthday. I'm not too concerned that he's missing Valentine's Day with us because it's just really another day isn't it? I am just grateful that he gets to spend some time with his parents and that his mom was so happy that she cried! They thought it was the cable guy that would be knocking on their door! So today I gave the girls a little something, and we have plans to eat crap food, drink soda, and watch a movie that daddy probably wouldn't like anyway! Even if Jack were here we would probably do something similar because it's not like we would want to go out and wait two hours for a table somewhere! And I have to say that this little trip reminded me of why I love Jack so much. He called me from the plane after he boarded , feeling sad because he was missing us and wishing he wasn't leaving! I would have thought that he would be kicking up his heels to celebrate a little freedom, but no, he just wanted to let me know that he was already sad and missing us! I hope he remembers that sadness when he comes back to the chaos!

So instead of picking up the kids curbside today, I parked and walked up to talk to the teachers and see how all of the Valentine stuff went today. While talking with Sydney's teacher, she was telling me that they were doing something in class where they had to draw a picture of themselves now, and then another one of themselves a hundred years from now. The current one was that of a little girl. Made sense. The one for the future was a drawing of a horse. She asked Syd if that meant that she would be riding horses in a hundred years, or if she would be a horse in a hundred years? Sydney said she would BE a horse in a hundred years. Duh...

Sydney the horse.

Tagged!

2008-02-12T10:32:00.000-08:00

My dear Rochelle tagged me to display the contents of my purse, so here we go.

-Orbit gum, winterfresh, though I prefer sweet mint.

-2 packs of vitamin C to add to my water cuz of all the sick people at work.

-Combination lock for the gym.

-Keys. It's nice to know that I have them for once.

-2 lip glosses

-2 lip sticks

-Single use dental floss.

-Gas receipt.

-MP3 player. It's good for the gym, but now I use it in the car so that I don't hear the little trolls fighting in the back! I know it's not exactly legal, but neither is throttling your children. I just try to do the right thing, you know?

-My wallet, full of the usual, debit cards, ID, blah, blah.

-Spare change.

So really nothing exciting, and you for sure could not live out of the thing like Rochelle, who literally has everything but the kitchen sink! Now if you were in my car and we got stuck in the middle of nowhere, it may be a different story! We could live off of all the fries, chips, and fruit snacks the kids drop all over the floor, for possibly a week or more! Just pray that it never comes to that.

Part two involved picking the closest book to you and opening it to page 123, and reading the fifth line. So I have my English lit book handy and here we go:

"When the king and his company were come in together,

The chanting in chapel achieved and ended.

Clerics and all the court acclaimed the glad season,

Cried Noel anew, good news to men;"

This was an exerpt from "Sir Gawain and the Green Knight, Part I". Everyone should be grateful that I am not able to read for pleasure right now since I spend so much time reading this sort of stuff for class, because you may have read something very different! Many know about my addiction to smut books, and I won't even pretend to be repentant about it. I love them! Over the years I have read all kinds of different genres, because I love to read, but as I've gotten older and experienced the world more, I pretty much stick to the smut. I don't need to read horror because if I want to feel anxiety or fear I will turn on the news, the computer, or read the paper. I feel like I experience enough human drama, and tales of overcoming obstacles through my own life, friends, and family. Sometimes it's important for me to read romance to help me affirm that love and passion also matter, and that it can overcome everything, so that I can deal with the horror and drama of the world. The sex is just a bonus! Ha! Ha! Lol!

Also, I have to show you a picture some work that Sydney did at school. Apparently she wasn't very interested in what she was supposed to be writing so she veered off track a bit...

Superbowl XXIIVIX (42-too many! :) )

2008-02-12T10:07:00.000-08:00

One of my co-workers Teresa, (see the bar maid above) threw a superbowl party and a Daren (see goofball with lemon boobies) going away party. She has the perfect home for it because she had a bigscreen out on the patio, inside, and even if you had to go pee, there is a tv in front of every toilet bowl. A man must have designed her house, I think. We had a great time! I went for the food and the company more than the game. It took me all the next week to lose the couple pounds that I put on from eating too many eclairs, gourmet cheesecake bites, cheese dips, etc, but dang was it worth it! We even got to play on slot machines! Josie was there with her boyfriend Erich, so I had someone to talk to that didn't really give a rat's $#@ about the game either. Teresa has a really cool German Sheperd (see above dork with dog) that would do tricks for potato chips!

BANE OF MY EXISTENCE

2008-02-03T11:38:00.000-08:00

To say that this innocuous stuffed toy, or this sweet looking dog is the bane of my existence

seems maybe a little harsh, but I have to at least say that it is definitely on the upper portion

an innumerable list of things that I consider to be "banes of my existence". This donkey toy

actually used to belong to Sydney, but when we got Mr. Smudge about a year ago, it quickly

became his favorite toy. We thought it was cute at first, but lately... Let's just say that almost

every morning this week I have woken up to this little bastard chewing on it on my head! Again,

this seems like maybe not so big a deal, but it may help to know that it talks! Just like the

annoying character on the movie, it really talks! Every time he bites it you hear either, "Shrek!",

or "Are we there yet?" Over and over, and over... Yet, I don't have the heart to take the dang

voice box out of the thing. So instead I will just complain about it!

The things the little turds say...

2008-01-30T13:59:00.000-08:00

In order for me to get anywhere, I have to drive from my little town through 15 miles of Indian reservation land to get to "town". It's not so bad because it's pretty, and occasionally you see some of the wild horses in the desert. So last week I'm driving along with the kids on the way to the gym, and we see a couple of horses. This got them talking back and forth until Sydney mused aloud to Melanie, "How long was it that Cowboys and Indians were catching the horses and cows?" So says Melanie..."Probably like way back in the eighties or something!" Wow. That dates me just a bit! I used to ask my dad what life had been like for him in the middle ages and stuff like that just to poke at him, but Mel was so dang serious! AAAH! Next thing you know I'll look like this chick!

Boo- hoo! Daren is leaving!

2008-01-28T08:58:00.000-08:00

So, over the last year, I have gotten to know my assistant manager Daren, and grown to love him. Naturally, he's being transferred out to California, leaving many of us adrift in sadness! To help alleviate that, we decided to go out and have some fun together. Getting trashed was optional, but well, you know how it is. We headed out to Mill Ave. where the ASU campus is, and many, many, many clubs and bars are. The Cherry pit lounge was the destination, and we had a great time! It was just me, Jack, Lisa, Daren, and Ivan, and we danced the night away! Jack had fun though he did puke while we were there. I believe it had something to do with working all day, followed by a three hour stint at the gym, a really crappy late dinner, and the fact that he did stay up for 24 hours. That may have been a problem! The only bad thing was that I paid hard the next day at work, partially because of my raging headache, but also because I spent half the morning on the toilet paying for that crappy late dinner! Oh well, on the bright side, I lost two pounds!

Lisa missed her calling as a pole dancer!

D-OH!

2008-01-28T08:38:00.000-08:00

We had an eventful injury day just before the New Year which made me grateful that it was still in with the old year, so as to not set the tone for this one. It would not be a tone that I would want looming. Early in the day, we stopped by my friend Josie's to borrow her vacuum since mine was clogged due to something ginormous that Melanie sucked up. Since I didn't want to wait until Jack got home, there I was seeking an alternate vacuum. Anyway, the kids were directed to stay seated while I ran to the door. As many would guess, this did not happen! I came back and the sunroof was half open with Punkin sticking her head out the top, with the other two cavorting around inside. Just then, Mel had the idea to open the sunroof all the way! Not a good idea because Punkins hands were on the glass, so they got pulled into the car. I took her screaming into Josie's (she's an RN) to see if she thought it was broken since it was all red and not so happy looking. All was well, but she filled up a ziplock bag with ice and sent us on our way.

Then... the girls and I went to go on a bike/scooter ride. Seemed innocent enough. Then as we're going down this little walkway that cut through the block, Sydney came up from behind me, ran her scooter up onto the little rock hill next to me, and was standing up on her knees watching Mel come up when it happened. Melanie was riding her bike pretty fast, came up, and ran her the *&^% over! Naturally Sydney was crying and ran up to wrap her arms around my waist. When she pulled away, I saw that the front of my white (naturally) jacket was totally blood stained! The handlebars had apparently clipped her forehead, and she was gushing blood! Needless to say, Jack met me at the urgent care where Sydney had to get some stitches. Niiiice!

Christmas Day!

2008-01-28T08:25:00.000-08:00

Naturally Christmas started much earlier than mom and dad wanted, but the excitement was too much to sleep through, so we got up before they lost control and opened without us! The girls had a great Christmas, and loved everything they got! Santa brought Melanie a new big bike, Sydney got a My Little Pony house with extra little horses, and Punkin got lots of cute new shoes, and a baby doll. The rest of the day we spent watching them play with all the new stuff, and since alot of their gifts were outdoor activities, we went outside to ride bikes, scooters and skateboards. All in all, it was a great day!

Christmas Eve 2007!

2008-01-27T23:07:00.000-08:00

Christmas Eve this year was alot of fun though it was quite different than usual. That has always been the night that we all run from one family to another to celebrate, not getting home until late, and then still having to get stuff ready for the next morning. Not that it wasn't well worth it, or fun, it was just much different than what we are doing now that we're away! We decided to spend the day wrapping and running last minute errands, and then went to the Phoenix Zoo to check out the lights. It was alot of fun, and we didn't even lose anybody! It was a great night, and then we came home to let the kids unwrap their new Chrismas pj's and slippers, and then our friend Josie came over to give the girls their gifts. We followed all that up with getting everything set up while we watched the oh so traditional South Park Christmas show. Where would we be in the Christmas season without Hankie the Christmas Poo? Anyway, it was relaxing and nice, and made us realize how close our little family really is.

I'm soooo behind!

2008-01-27T19:38:00.000-08:00

So here I am, over a month late, adding a very busy month! I'll probably break it up into little events instead of another GINORMOUS blog like before. So I'll start with my crazy whirlwind trip to Oregon.

The purpose of the trip was two-fold. My dear, and for sure my oldest friend Heather had her first baby, beautiful little Adison! The long awaited day came just in time for me to come see her! Also, it was the weekend that my extended family gathers at a grange hall to celebrate Christmas together like we have done every year of my life. I was so grateful to be able to go, though I wish I could have stayed long enough to see everyone that I wanted to. But, holding little Miss. Cuteness was priority for sure!

I came in on Friday morning after a hectic start at the airport. I got the full on potential hijacker treatment at the Phx airport. Maybe it was my bad hair? I had an appointment later to deal with that, but jeez, it wasn't that bad! Then my friend Rochelle picked me up and we went straight to the hospital to see Heather and the baby. Yay! She is so dang cute! The funny thing was that she looked so much like her daddy, who is Hawaiian, that you could barely tell that she was Heather's! The next day was sort of a blur of trying to see my in-laws, helping my dad and cousins Christmas shop for the girls, and seeing my brother Jon, his wife Elaine, and my Uncles, Neal, Scott, Aunt Lisa, and Christopher. We had a great dinner and they were kind enough to make a roaring fire to keep me at my normal temp of about 78 degrees. They were cussing and stripping down to their summer wear, but I was toasty for the first time since I got there! And Sunday I went back to visit Heather, Daddy Sean, Heather's mom Virginia, and of course baby Adison! It felt so good to hold a new baby again! It never fails to amaze me how precious they are! What a blessing! Then I rushed to Sandy for the Christmas party, and then there was a debacle where I spent most of the time on the phone trying to find out where I left my wallet, only to find out that it was in Rochelle's purse out in St. Helens! My brother and Elaine left with me early to drive at warp speeds from Sandy to St. Helens, and then to the airport. They were kind enough to lurk around just in case I missed my flight since I was only there 20 minutes before my flight! Fortunately no terrorist screening, and with a good run, I made it! It makes me tired just thinking about that weekend, but it was totally worth it!

Freedom!

2007-12-14T09:13:00.000-08:00

Whew! I just have to say how happy I am that school is out for me until January! I survived finals, and will soon be updating on my latest adventures for all of you who have been harassing me about my lack of any new updates! Soon I say!

The joy of the desert

2007-11-18T13:14:00.000-08:00

It's times like today that I realize how much I truly love living in Arizona! As I type, my kids are out playing on the trampoline in their swimsuits and having a grand ol' time at it. Especially considering that Thanksgiving is only a few days away and that I'm used to a whole lot of rain and cold at this time of year! The thing that I discovered by spending the entire Christmas season here last year is that the spirit of Christmas is still there even if it's not necessarily hot chocolate weather. It's the bustle, the excitement and general feeling of goodwill that makes the holidays special, so I am grateful for my sunshine and fun!